Hi Meg,
you said "love my ex is exhausting"
YES it is. Because you are not done working on your feelings/emotions for him. You are still carrying some stuff that are maybe difficult to forget and forgive.
You probably feel it is unfair. (and it is)
Just like you said, he is seen as "the cool and nice guy", while YOU KNOW what's behind the scene.

Toxic Relationship is often (or always...) going with manipulation/emotional abuse/control...
It is toxic because you are, somehow, forced to follow-up his/her lead. He/She is in charge. You become a follower, the person they want you to be.

This is hard. The worst part of it... You end up feeling guilty.
Guilty for leaving him/her, guilty for saying something bad about him/her, guilty for having bad feeling for her/him.
You believe that most of it is your fault.

Well Meg, that's the part you need to work on to be able to completely forgive him. If you do, it won't be as exhausting.
It will become practical (vs emotional). Then sharing kids education will be easier and you won't be as hurt by his actions.

Sending you positive and loving vibes :kissing_heart: