I’ve been married for 4 years with my husband for 15 years. Have 4 young kids. My husband says awful things to me and the kids when he gets mad at us. Says you disrespect me I’ll make your life a living hell. I’ve always stayed home with the kids until recently I got a part time job a year ago. My husband works really hard for his income for us. He is anti social and hates being stuck inside so he works a physical job outside. He has held it over my head and rubbed in my face for years that he takes care of everyone and I’m another child to take care of. He gets mad at me that I don’t spend too much time with him. I’m always with the kids instead but if someone insults you why would you wanna spend time with them. His temper is bad. I have to walk on eggshells around him. Watch what I say or do. I tired once turning the table trying to treat him the way he treats me. That took a turn for the worst. He broke my phone, tablet, cut up my credit cards, broke my glasses and grandmothers belongs. Put my car keys in the toilet. Dumped the trash can all over the house. He has jumped out of the car before several times when I was driving and the kids were in the car when we were arguing. So I just started to let him say whatever he wants and kissed him butt instead but it’s starting to get to me. He tells our oldest son that I’m a slut and that he isn’t his. My second oldest has been showing signs of becoming just like him. I brought up that I wanted him to go see a child behavior therapist but husband said no. He’ll have to learn his own lessons. He doesn’t believe in getting him help. Son does see a behavior therapist at school for a hour a week it is really helping him. He is only on the second grade and he has been suspended and he yells and picks fights with other kids. When I do work husband makes 12 year old son watch all the kids. So I feel awful when I do work because that isn’t fair to him. We have gotten into fights constantly. One time he got his gun and put it into his mouth in front of the kids asking me if he should just kill himself. I have a journal of al the horrible things he has said to me. If I leave him I’m afraid he’ll kill himself or ruin my life. And if he gets the kids he won’t take good care of them. He tells my second grader he is going to end up in jail or worse. He says what I make with my part time job doesn’t matter. If I don’t prepare him coffee the night before he’ll start breaking stuff in the kitchen at 3am saying you make my life harder so I’ll make yours harder. He wants to take a break from working. If I work two full time jobs o can make close to his salary. But I’m afraid the kids won’t get the help they need when I’m working. So right now he is giving me the cold shoulder and saying awful things to me in front of the kids. He says he will keep on doing it until I get a full time job and support the house. I asked him if I could go to school to become a nurse. So I don’t have to work 80 hours a week. Just a year of schooling, he said no. He works one more year for us then I’ll take care of the family income when I graduate and I’ll still work too but he says if you wanted to go to school you should of done it when you were younger. I’m basically tired of getting put down and having me kids see it. If I do leave he might kill himself, ruin my life or not take care of the kids when he has them. So I don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi Christeen,
When you say "If I leave him I’m afraid he’ll kill himself or ruin my life."
What about if you don't leave him?

Your situation is not safe. Not for you, not for your kids, and definitely not for your sanity.
What you describe is an abusive, toxic relationship.

He is definitely fighting with his own demons but you and the kids are the ones paying the consequences.

What makes you stay with him? What are you scared of?

When we are told we are nothing and definitely not worth it, all the time, we end just believing it's true.
Which lower our self-esteem, confidence and strength to do anything. Which brings us to unhappiness and sometime depression. Which makes us miserable and weak.

Maybe it's time to make yourself and your children a priority.

Hugs and Love :kissing_heart:

I’m afraid he won’t take care of the kids if they have to go over to his house. He gets annoyed of them easily. I think he will start to bully them more because he won’t have me to take his anger out on. I’m afraid he will take them and leave and I’ll never see them again. I’m afraid he’ll burn my house down or he’ll smash my car with a bat which he has done before. And if I do leave he might kill himself which i don’t know how I would deal with that. Even though he is a miserable person I still do care for him.

Hi Christeen, these fears are legitimates. It makes total sense according to what you say. However, everything has a solution.

Now, you have 2 choices:

1. you stay with this person:
- You still take risks for your own and your children's security as he is not stable and you don't know what his next step will be.
- You are unhappy (for a good reason) and that will just drain you down bringing your self-esteem and confidence along.
Children feel it. Whatever you think they know, they can feel if something is wrong and suffer from it.
Children use parents as their model for life.
What do you want to teach them?
- You said it yourself, he already try to take his life away, in front of you (though it might be just an act), he can try again anytime while you decided to stay.

2. you leave
- There are laws to protect you. You can require that he stays at a certain distance from you.
- You have a break from being disrespected and you can now focus on you and your children.
- Your children learn how strong and brave their mom is.
- You are afraid he doesn't take care of the kids?
Again, if it's the case, you can find help.
I have a friend in more or less the same situation. Her husband left with another woman in a different state, he add some drugs issue and never cared much about the children.
She found herself alone with her kids, and had to act quickly as she had no help from no one. Long story short, she made it happen, even with her small salary.
The husband came back few years later and ask to see the kids once in a while. Of course she agreed, that's the dad (supposedly out of drugs).
Every time the kids were going to their dad's. They were spending all the time on computer playing games. Dad never cooked, never brought them anywhere, never care for when they were going to bed...
It drove my friend crazy. But she found her way to deal with it. Sometimes, she goes there, bring food, she offers to take them to the park... So they are at the dad (more or less with the mom). It s very hard on her but it was very important that, as unstable as he is, he was finally giving "some" times to the kids. Anyway, he prefers his life doing what he wants so he often has excuses not to have the kids over.

I'm not saying it will be easy, but I'm saying that it is not impossible.
You are a woman. Women are strong, they always find creative and alternative ways. There are many associations out there to support women and children during difficult situations.

Again, it is your choice and only your. It totally depends of how you want your life to be and how your want your children to grow.
But remember, you have only one shot in life, there is no second life.

Whatever you decide, I will be here for you, if you need it.