Hi... I am contemplating going through a divorce and my therapist suggested joining a divorce support group and that it might help with my decision. I'm 36 years old and we have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. Our marital problems started maybe 2 years into our marriage roughly. I was a stay-at-home mom with our son who was 1 at the time. My husband absolutely never ever helped with anything around the house whatsoever - the only thing I had/have power over is his laundry. If he wants clean clothes he better do it his **** self. But still. I was in charge of absolutely everything - I had to do finances, anything that needed done that I couldn't do I would ask my husband - then after weeks of it not getting done I would have to hire someone. I did all the cleaning, dishes, cooking... Yes, I know I was a stay-at-home mom but when EVERYTHING falls on my shoulders it was hard on me. And he'd wonder why I was so exhausted and didn't want to have sex often. (Half the time it was also my anger and resentment towards his unwillingness to do anything around the house). And I'm not talking about expecting him to just know what to do around the house - I mean super obvious things like hey, the nasty dirty dishes are pilling up. Anyone with eyesight can see that it needs done. If I ask him to do things, its always that he'll do them later. And of course, they never get done. Today I work full-time and its still the same - no help with anything.
That's not my only problem... One day I saw sexually flirty texts on his phone to/from a VERY young, female coworker of his. Very inappropriate messages. He blamed me because we didn't have sex enough. I'm like...ummmm you could have TALKED to me about this?? Month later... found a suspicious charge on his PayPal account. Started investigating it when he came to me and told me he paid a girl for nude photos. (Ok, for once thing, WTF...there's TONS of free porn sites these days).
We went to a therapist together, I left feeling everything blamed on me for not having sex enough with him.
We have since somewhat moved on, though its been much harder on me because now that unwavering trust I had in him is completely gone. There are nights I suffer from anxiety and panic because I think he's texting other women or doing hurtful things again.
He also doesn't care one bit about his own physical heath and well being. He refuses to ever go to a doctor, he has put a very unhealthy amount of weight on to the point of being morbidly obese, his teeth are completely rotted and he won't ever go to a dentist.... Yeah you can imagine why I don't really want to be intimate with him anymore.
And my final issue with him is his horrid parenting. All he ever does himself is either watch TV, his phone, or play video games. Sometimes (I kid you not) he does 2 of these at the same time. So naturally his doesn't want to be bothered much by the kids so he'll give them his phone or a tablet. For hours. If I let him, probably almost every day. I never go anywhere or do anything myself because I work hard to minimize the kids' screen time. He sets a horrible example for them. He knows I hate screen time and that stupid tablet. Sometimes I hide it on purpose.

And forget celebrating anything, he doesn't put any effort in at all when it comes to anyone but himself. I didn't even get so much as a "happy birthday" said to me this year. Not even a cake, Nothing. I'm not asking to be showered with gifts, even just having the kids draw me a picture would make me happy.
Many of these things I've nagged about repeatedly. Its always "I'll be better at X,Y,Z...." He'll be better for a week, maybe 2, then it always just goes back to more of the same.

On the positive side of things, at least I'm basically already a single mom. I just have a crappy roommate I'm married to. I'm sure I'll get reamed by some about this post, maybe... I hope not.

I am mostly terrified of a divorce in that I don't make much money with my full-time job. Maybe it would help if I waited until my kids are old enough to not need childcare from my husband's sister - right now she gets $1000 a month to watch both kids all day. Even with child support I don't know how we would afford a place to live and everything. I don't have any family or friends to help me out.
Plus I'm also very scared for the kids - I don't know how badly they would be affected. Right now my husband and I get along for the most part - we don't fight in front of the kids or anything. I could survive for a while longer. But if he ever does anything again to hurt me I WILL get a divorce no matter what, because I deserve better than that.

Anyway, that's my story in a VERY brief nutshell.... I don't know if anyone has even remotely similar circumstances? None of our family or friends even know of the past events, even my husband doesn't know I'm contemplating leaving.

Thanks for letting me vent.

So sorry you are going through this. Your kids will be okay, your emotional health impacts your kids. If you are unhappy, you aren't doing your kids any favors staying in that situation.

First, ask around and find a really good divorce attorney. Go for a consultation, you may be able to get alimony in addition to child support.

Also, do you have your own money that your husband does not have access to? Get your own bank account or start stashing cash if needed.

You can do it!

Still here and still contemplating. I'm growing very tired of my husband's idea of parenting which is to yell at the kids all the time. You know what they say about insanity and doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome? That's how I feel about my husband. At this point I just feel stupid and foolish believing this last time that he'll change and be better. It'll never happen. I'm tired of being with someone who is completely obsessed with his phone 24/7, yells at our kids all the time, and is so lazy with everything in life. No motivation, no drive, no goals in life, no hobbies... just happy being a blob on the couch dying slowly.
Ugh no thanks.
I think money is the sole reason I don't leave. Housing in Colorado is stupid expensive and I don't make much. Even combined with child support I doubt it'd be enough to survive on.
I just wish I had someone to talk to about all this. Nothing worse than not having a single friend on this planet.
I'm so tired.