My soon to be Ex-husband and I were childhood sweethearts, together since 15 and 16 for 26 years, married 22. We were each other's one and only. Neither of us have close families or have close connections with our parents, so it was us against the world. We were teen parents and raised two amazing young adults, our 23 year old daughter in her last semester of grad school, and our 18 year old son just starting his freshman year of college.

We've had more than our share of struggles, but we've pulled through them together. He has been more and more distant lately, not talkative, not affectionate or interested in me physically. He blurted out on July 5 that he wanted to separate. The next day he took off from work to ride motorcycle. I had my suspicions that it was a date because he put the backrest on his bike and visited a family friendly cave and zoo that is totally out of character for him. Our 22nd Anniversary was on July 22. He said he loved me more than I knew and that he wanted to hold on to what was important, each other. We had a strained summer. He was increasingly moody, and while we tried to make time to do things together, he just was not happy. Fast forward to September 2, he tells me that he's been seeing someone and she's pregnant. She is also married and a mother to two children ages 11 and 8. She's 7 years younger than he is and is my niece's best friend.

At his request, I initiated the divorce, and accepted a lopsided deal to just walk away. I moved to my own apartment an hour away from my 22 year home that has been paid for to start over. I started counseling yesterday, but I just feel so lost and alone. Neither of my kids are with me. They're starting to get sick of talking to me. My daughter even spent the weekend with her father because she didn't want to stay with me. I guess I'm just too difficult to love.

I don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm just crushed and alone. I'm making it to work daily but I'm just not here. I don't know where I am or what I'm doing. Where do I go from here?

Nancy, You have a lot to process. First the distance, then learning about your husband's affair and the divorce.

You've been brought in this painful situation in just a couple of months! So, yes, it is totally legit that you feel lost and in deep pain. Your emotions have hijacked your amygdala and you have no clear space to think right.

This situation must hurt your children as well and they probably are trying to grief as well. That's possible that your fears are showing and your pain is contagious. It's not your fault. But they probably don't want to add more to their own suffering.

Right now, you need to take good care of yourself.
Even if it's normal to feel the way you feel, you will need to get prepared for your divorce and move on with your life. (yes, easy say but needed). Nothing is impossible Nancy.

You can write to me at sophie@sophieclement.com if you need to talk. You are not alone Nancy.

With hugs and love,
Sophie

I feel your pain so well. However, i was the one that left. It was a toxic, emotionally abusive marriage and after 30 years i was finally able to support myself and get out. BUT, the pain i am feeling is overwhelming and I'm sure is exactly how you feel. I am mourning the death of my marriage, the fact that he couldn't/wouldn't change for me. Not to mention in two months he already has a girlfriend and posted pictures on FB of them at our favorite getaway spot. It hurts like a death. I don't have any advice for you because i am sobbing at least once a day, but everyone keeps telling me it will get better and it just takes time. I so know your pain, i can feel it now as i type this. I'm so sorry, just know you are not alone.

Paula, you have just told my story EXACTLY! After 34 years of marriage, he revealed he didn't love me. Off in his new sports car with a girlfriend and all over FaceBook. I am so sad and lonely. My therapist has listened to a number of situations that confused me about my ex and said: "This is all the same thing. He did not have the skill set to be a husband." So, I don't want the emotional abuse, but I don't want to be alone. If you find out how to quit crying, let me know. People also tell me it will take time. Well it's been almost a year and my heart physically hurts like it's being stabbed.

Nancy, I feel this entire situation since it's just like mine. My therapist says I should "refute" the feelings by saying to myself: "That's over now." I do this, but what comes next? It's terrifying to me. My heart physically hurts. I wake up every day thinking, "Oh no, it's really true." This maybe doesn't offer comfort, but just know that you're NOT alone.