Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm going to be brutally honest here (sorry in advance...) but yes, I think he's having a midlife crisis. Classic signs are; hanging out with younger people, dressing younger, buying a fast car or flash motorbike, changing music listening habits ect. If you are older than him, like you say, then sadly you (or any woman he was married to of your age, not just you) will likely be perceived as not fitting in with the image/fantasy/even 'delusion' he has created for himself. Sometimes, men begin to get a sense of old age/death creeping up on them and feel they haven't fulfilled their hopes and dreams, so they panic and go a bit maverick. Unfortunately, there are plenty of young hussies out there who are willing to flirt (or more) with older men; particularly if the man looks like they've got cash to splash.

I think he's probably hedging his bets by not leaving you: Kind of 'having his cake and eating it' situation. I guess it all boils down to your self-esteem. Where is your 'line in the sand?' Are you cooking and cleaning for him while he's out having fun? Is he having sex elsewhere and then enjoying it with you also? What if you catch a STD? Of course, I have no idea if he's actually being sexually unfaithful, but it sounds as if he's being emotionally very unfaithful...

Do you sit alone, waiting for him to 'grace' you with his return when he feels like it? Does he compliment you? Is he loving towards you? Does he disappear eves/overnight? Is he hiding his phone and emails from you?

I think it's a good idea to ask yourself if you're happy. If this continues for another year, how will you feel? How much do you value yourself over him? It sounds as if he's really only invested in having a good time with those younger than himself! Why not call his bluff and tell him you want to separate? You can judge just how interested, or not, he is in you by his response. Be warned though that it may not be what you want to hear. Think about that though...in your heart of hearts, which response would you, truthfully, be more relieved to hear? Thinking about this will provide you with personal insight as to whether you're going to keep going as you are, or whether you're going to cut him loose. Letting the situation drag on indefinitely will only drag your self-esteem down. He on the other hand, seems in no rush in breaking up the convenience of having a wild time, whilst also having you to come back to if his new lifestyle doesn't work out...you're his insurance policy really. But where does that leave you?

Set some boundaries with him. Remind yourself of all your positive traits. You may be slightly older than him, but you're still young. How do you want the remaining years of your life to pan out? What are YOUR goals, dreams and aspirations? If you were to read an autobiography of your life at age 85, what do you wish you would have done in your life? And...is he 'in the pictures' with you in your autobiography (so-to-speak), or some other guy? Food for thought...

Thanks for all your helpful info. I don’t believe he is being unfaithful at the moment ( he has been in the past, 10 yrs ago with a woman 10 yrs younger then him) but we painfully got through that. Although I can say things have never been quite the same. He doesn’t go out much and has never stayed out all night, he has however lied about being at a friends and was actually out at a bar. I suspect that has happened more then I’ve found out about. Our oldest daughter gave him a huge “talking to” about how he was acting by trying to hang out with her friends etc and how she is embarrassed. Since then he has slowed down a bit but seems even more miserable. He is moody and so disrespectful towards me. His tone, snarky comments etc cause us to argue as I can’t stand the disrespect. But, during sex he is like his old self and then when it’s over he is back to being a dick! He refuses to go places with me, like vacations etc but will do things with me if we are in a group. But will go to the grocery, Sams club or out to eat and says that’s ok “because we have to eat” or shop...No he does not compliment me, not in a couple years.. I could literally do cartwheels naked and he wouldn’t notice.
But then there are times when we can hang out, we have fun etc...we have built a future over the past 22 yrs, planning for our retirement,, purchased a family cabin. It’s hard to give up everything and start over. I just keep hoping these feeling he is having will pass. I have though packed his clothes once a s told him to leave. He said I’m not leaving today, I’ll leave when I’m ready....he’s still here!

My husband walked out on Xmas day after 27 years in 2018. He said he loved me but wasn’t in love w me. Didn’t want regrets Wanted to be free to flirt w other woman and not feel guilty. It was devastating. I had a brain injury and was in a coma the year before. I have list everything. My job , my health , my husband. He ****ed me over for 6 months saying he didn’t know what he wanted. Then he got w girl lady April. Fell in love. I filed seperation in nov. he won’t sign. Said he still didn’t know what he wants. Till in April. I found out he is living w other woman since January. My husband has ruined my life. He had caused me do much pain. Didn’t tslk yo our son whose 26 for 1 1/2 years. All because he is having a midlife crisis. It’s been so painful. I realize he is a narcissist. I was 50 and he was 46. All he wanted was sex , fun , freedom. Your husband sounds like a douch bag. **** him. If he does not want to go to councelling don’t waste your life. I regret not leaving this ****er 10 years ago. He begged me to stay. Then ruined and humiliated me after I was disabled w brain injury. I turned to Jesus he will never leave me or forsake me or you. Jesus loves us

Corry, your story sounds very familiar. Funny that you call him and douchebag because I have called him that numerous times during fights (among other things) but that name fits the best. I do think about if we do finally divorce how I will regret that it didn’t happen sooner. I know he wants to be with someone younger, a party girl, which I used to be but I grew up, became and nurse and have way too much responsibility for that. It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around why he would want to start over in life. Loose his pension, savings, homes, friends, family, neighbors etc...I’ve asked him if he wants more children, he says hell no! But I’ve told him that if your “dating” all these younger women they will either have young children you will have to raise or want children themselves if they have none. He really hasn’t thought that through I guess... I’ve asked who will take care of you when you are old? Or what if you get sick? He just says, “I guess I will be alone then”... he doesn’t seem to care about losing everything, the reward of being single and free seems more enticing then anything his current life has to offer. It’s so frustrating when one day he is fine and we are living our normal life and the next he is such an ass**le. I don’t believe he is seeing anyone physically but as Betty stated in her reply he is probably having emotional affairs with many women. He is very secretive about his phone, keeps it on silent and ALWAYS in his possession. He also refuses to take a picture with me, and his instagram account has over 300 pictures of him and 1 of us. Trust me when I say I’m not stupid, I see it all, I know what it means but yet he is still here. None of it makes sense to me, other then the having your cake and eating it too theory, which may make sense if he seemed happy eating his cake. Most days he seems miserable and I know all he does is focus on the negative, thinking how his life could be different, better, whatever, instead of focusing on what’s good. I’ve read that a midlife crisis can be associated with depression and I wonder if that’s also what’s going on. He has made comments that his life is passing him by and he doesn’t want to miss out on being happy. He’s also said weird things like “I never went to spring break when I was younger” (we met when he was 21), he doesn’t realize that those ships have sailed and you can’t get that time in your life back...I have mentioned going to the doctor to investigate if he is depressed and also offered to go to counseling but he won’t do either saying he’s not depressed and counseling is stupid....I’m giving it some more time to see if he gets his head out of his ass but not sure how much longer I will hang on.

Sorry to hear about what you’re being put through Lisa. He’s a grown adult, so has to take some responsibility for following up on seeking out help if you’ve flagged depression as a possible concern. You’ve ‘done your part’ so-to-speak, by trying to encourage him to seek support.

He sounds very immature. I do think there’s a high likelihood of not only midlife crisis happening, but a high chance that he IS ‘playing around’ - The reason I say this are because 3 factors stand out to me: One, he’s secretive about his phone which is kept in silent (you therefore can’t tell if he receives a call or text or email), Two- He’s really flippant about his future as if he doesn’t care as he’s having too much fun to be bothered with ‘the then’ when ‘the now’ is exciting and all-consuming and he’s throwing caution to the wind, Three- Not wanting to be seen in photos with you is a big, red, waving flag to me. How can he appear single to the world, if he’s connected to you via publically-viewable cosy couples’ photos? I’d tag photos of you two together to his Facebook account if you can. Label them to highlight you’re his wife. Don’t wait for him to post them, tag them from your account to his! Can you see what he’s posting also? What photos is he being tagged to?

I’m sorry and I hope to heck that I’m utterly wrong about the situation. Honestly. I think a bit of creative fact-finding might be needed. What’s the activity in your joint bank accounts like? Do a line-by-line check of what’s being spent, where and WHEN. Is he where he says he will be? Did he say he was going to work, but the timing of transactions show he didn’t? Etc etc. What time does he get home? His usual time, or later now?

Boy oh boy, I so hope I’m wrong about the situation...

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