yes, it is emotional and verbal abuse. My ex was verbally abusive. Counseling helped me understand his behavior and how manipulative he was. My counselor helped me work through how to take my power back and not let him control my emotions.
I was fnally able to file for divorce and am so much happier now! He actually went to counseling after the divorce (something he refused to do while we were married) got on appropriate medication and we actually are getting along. Able to spend time together with each other and our children.
You can do it! You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault!
He is making an active choice to treat you this way. Take your power back, he may still choose to speak to you the same way , but you don't have to respond or let it affect you. I got really good at staying calm and ignoring him while he was "going off" on me.
Thanks Kelly and Opal. Sometimes I feel like I am the one that causes the issues. I always feel so happy when he is in a good mood but know it won't last. He talks to the kids much nicer than he does to me. I am emotionally spent. Thanks for the validation girls. I appreciate it.
There’s some good videos on ‘gaslighting’ on YouTube. The perpetrator makes their victim doubt themself over time. You start second-guessing yourself, find yourself asking his opinion on almost everything (in case he disagrees with a decision you make and calls you stupid etc) and the victim generally goes along with his opinion/choices, just to keep the peace. The victim’s voice and ‘wants’ gradually get marginalised and dominated by what they want (even the choice of what food you eat, sometimes). It does wear the victim down over time. You can even start to doubt your own memory, if they deny that something happened in the way you recall it happening. They can also be very controlling eg. Him criticising how you load the dishwasher. Other common criticisms of victims who are being gaslighted are: How you look/dress/your hairstyle, how you socialise/your conversation topics are criticised, your friends are criticised, your cooking is demeaned/accusing you of using an ‘off’ tone in your voice (when you haven’t), criticising your driving skills etc etc. It’s all designed to empower them and belittle and disempower you.
Enjoy the YouTube research: It’s a real eye-opener... :)
Emily, this is most definitely emotional abuse. Yes, it is difficult to see it when it's happening to you on a regular basis. Sounds like everything he says and does is to hurt you. Protect yourself, your self-esteem, your heart, your peace of mind. You deserve better. My daughter had to tell me that I had been emotionally abused for years. He ignored me, barely spoke at times, talked down to me. I down-played it, made excuses for his behavior. I realized he made me feel that I wasn't enough.