I am new here and hope I can get some insight to the craziness called my life. I apologize now if I sound like I am all over the place. But I just spent the last few days arguing, contacting an attorney, and more arguing. After almost 23 years of marriage I just can't take this life with him anymore. I am no angel but this guy is straight up insane. Beginning of our marriage for 11 years he was a alcoholic. Then 9 years a drug addict hooked on pain meds. In that time I raised 3 children, went back to school and thought I was going up the hill of life. But the last almost 3.5 years I had to give up my job and basically become a shut in, because of my husband's insecurities , live with constant accusations. Have my belonging torn through. And finally him being so delusional with his accusations he lastly accused me of talking to mean via the tv because he heard something about that on the radio. Monday after spending all day and night basically until 3am Monday arguing. 10am I contacted an atty to file. He was in the background as I was on the phone with the secretary yelling his name and spelling it along with him screaming he will file for divorce too. Yes you heard that correctly he would file for divorce too. Arguing continued all day and night because he would not leave me alone. This morning I asked again to be left alone but nope he would not. He decided to contact his therapist he had stopped seeing to TRY and save the marriage. He was so all over the place the therapist asked him repeatedly what he wanted to achieve in therapy he had no answer and actual stated he doesnf see what he is doing wrong. I kept the peace and agreed to attend marriage counseling just so he would leave me alone until I can meet with the atty. I found this site out of frustration of my life and this insanity. I am sorry for that vent. But I hope I can get some advice and maybe gain some of my sanity again.

Hi, He sounds mentally unwell, also potentially controlling. Accusing you of contacting men via the TV? Sounds like paranoia/delusional behaviour? If he has stopped taking prescribed meds he was on, contact the psychiatrist who assessed his mental health and express your concerns. A ‘counsellor’ won’t be able to prescribe anti-psychotic meds, for example. Did he find seeing his previous counsellor helpful though? If so, encourage him to pick that up again. But, a further intervention sounds like it’s needed (doctor or psychiatrist).

Whilst I fully understand why you have chosen to file for divorce, it seems, from what you’ve written, that he may struggle to cope right now.He needs mental health support. You need to keep safe. Does he have a male family member who could temporarily ‘buddy up’ with him for him to have a supportive ‘shoulder’ if you move out? How safe are you feeling? Have there been any threats or actual, physical harm?

Lots of people live with addictive personalities - drugs, booze, gambling etc. However delusional thinking re: TV situation is different. Is there a cognitive deficit? In other words, have the booze and the drugs ‘fried’ his ability to make connections between reality and made-up delusions? Was he joking, or was he serious when he made the accusation? For some people, it’s hard not to to take everything they see and hear on social media, TV, radio etc as ‘gospel.’ They often don’t, for example, see through some news articles as being ‘fake news’ and that can be upsetting and confusing for them...

Meanwhile, you’re living in a hailstorm of chaos and tension. It’s ok to care about/love someone, but to no longer ‘be in love’ with them. Give yourself permission to protect your own mental well-being by making sure you are safe and making sure he is safe (via professional help). It sounds as if you had drive and ambition and were ‘going for it’ to form a more positive future, before the ‘wheels fell off.’ Well...place yourself back in the driving seat...just like you have by filing for divorce, get yourself some counselling to keep you fortified and on track, breathe...then start afresh. Regain your freedom of spirit, mind and destiny. You can still be supportive of him if you want: but...online or in safe, public spaces - AFTER he has been seen by a professional mental health worker. Marriage guidance? It sounds lesser of a priority right now? Getting him well needs to happen first. Then...you can decide whether you want to go along or not. What would you be trying to save? Are there enough ‘positives’ (past or present) to try to persevere/rekindle the relationship? Or...Is it time to ‘call time’ and move on? Good luck with whatever you decide 🤗

When he spoke to his counselor he seemed like he saw no problem with his actions and has no idea what if any he needs to work on. He denies any and all mental disorders he could possibly have. I woke up today feeling very drained and just wanting a life far away from him. I've contacted a few marriage counselors like his therapist suggested. Im waiting to hear back from them. But I plan on telling him with a counselor present I just don't ever see this working. And that I feel trapped in this relationship with him. The more I ponder this the more I just need this marriage over. I truly don't believe he will ever stop the accusations or consent controlling behavior. If I open up and say anything to him he turns it around and makes it about himself. I could say I have a stomach ache and his response is so do I and mine is worse. He will take anything he hears and turn it around to ge about himself or what he believes is going on in the home.

There’s no obligation on you to remain in the relationship. Some women would simply walk away from it. The fact you are willing to see a marriage guidance counsellor with him, shows you care. But...if there’s no spark, no reciprocal love, if he’s childish eg claiming his stomach is ache is worse than yours and is making all kinds of false accusations re: you having affairs when you’re not- there has to be a line drawn. This is about your mental well-being, not only his. Having a counsellor present when you tell him that you don’t see a future together anymore, is a good idea. So too is having a suitcase of clothes in the trunk of your car and important documents and cash in your purse-In case you need to separate from him physically the moment you step outside the counsellor’s office door. We can’t know how he’ll react, so have a plan in place/on ‘standby’ to stay elsewhere with a close friend or family member if you feel that would be a good idea...

I am getting divorced from alcoholic as well. He is also mentally controlling. It came to the point that my kids were upset at school because of his behavior when he drinks. It was a swift kick in the butt to divorce him. The grief I am feeling is unbearable