I’ve been married for 4 years and I am in more of a roommate type of relationship. I am no longer physically attracted to him and I know I don’t see a future with him . I’m looking for any advice on how to bring up divorce since he will not see it coming and I want to do my best in not making it more stressful than it already is .
Have a think about what’s changed since 4 years ago... You found him attractive then? Why not now?
Sometimes when the ‘honeymoon period’ of a relationship wears off (which is a totally expected and normal thing to happen when you’re no longer ‘brand new’ to each other), and when the routine of daily life becomes monotonous and repetitive, people can begin to resent their relationship/become bored/yearn for excitement. Those are all normal thoughts.
If sex has become dull, initiate it and lead by example! Tell him what you need/get some adult toys even?!
If you’re not ‘emotionally connecting’ - why is this? Are there strains being placed on your relationship from outside? Work? Friends? Family? Addictions?
It’s very hard on a lot of couples going through the whole COVID pandemic. Couples tend to spend a lot more time working from home/being around each other. ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’ is an old saying.
Is there anyone else you’ve ‘got your eye on?...’ If so, there’s also another expression about ‘the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...’ (but is it really?)
If you’re truly set on not persevering with the relationship, tell him kindly and gently-given you say he’s not expecting this news. Better not to ‘string him along’ and also for you not to be in a relationship you don’t want to be in either. Life is too short.
Please have a think before however, whether anything could potentially change in your relationship that might improve it. Physical attraction: Would a makeover, going to the gym, getting new hobbies help maybe? How does he feel? Maybe he’s feeling the same way about you too if there’s little intimacy happening? 4 years is not a long time. Maybe you both have regrets about getting together? Maybe if you talk, you can work out a way to improve the situation? You won’t know, until you have a chat. Pick a quiet time when neither of you are tired or angry...maybe go for a walk in a park (if you’re permitted with COVID restrictions) and have ‘a heart to heart.’ Get things out in the open, then you can both decide what you’d both like to have happen. Good luck 🤗