All my life, the idea about being truly loved by someone has always fascinated me. I am from a broken family and the toxic environment has always made me crave for a happy family of my own. That’s the reason why I rushed with marriage when I met someone after six months. He promised me everything I wanted to have from life, to be truly loved and to have a happy life together. Soon after our marriage, he changed completely. He became extremely abusive, the marriage is very toxic. He has been mentally and physically abusing me since we got married. It’s been one year and my mental health has been completely messed up. He tells me to do everyone a favour and kill myself. I am coming to a point where I might even convince myself to kill myself because he has been making me feel like a total loser.
I am a total loser. I don’t have any friends, my uni grades are very average, my family is broken and I am depressed. On the other hand, he tells me to listen to everything he tells me to do, he tells me to cut all connections with my family and many other things. The few friends I had before marriage,he disliked them and made me cut them off from my life.
I loved him with all I had. I believed in him. But I just cannot take this anymore and he just doesn’t care. He recently told me before I came to my parent’s that he doesn’t love me anymore. I am moving towards a divorce but all I can see is how big of a loser I am. He is announcing his big achievements on social media as if he is very lucky that I am no longer there and he is making me feel like a complete failure. I just can’t think straight, I am heartbroken because I know he is never going to change and that divorce is the only option. But that is going to make me feel like a complete loser even more. I don’t see any motivation in life, I only see how big of a loser I am. My parents think that I should endure the abuse and stay because I will not have anywhere else to go. I just can’t help but cry my eyes out while writing this.
You could’ve just ignored it. I don’t have anyone else to talk to and that’s the reason why I come here to share my pain because I am grabbing onto anything positive I can find right now so that my mental health doesn’t get totally ****ed up and it wasn’t the same post. If you can’t be nice then at least try to ignore it. Thank you for closing a door for me, goodbye.
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