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Re: Divorcing young, seeking advice, why am I running?

You're just delaying the inevitable, and the more you keep up with the situation, the more painful it will be for all of those involved. Moving to a foreign country is no easy feat. I'm a Portuguese national living in the UK, and in the process of separating from my partner of 14 years, and I find myself completely alone and isolated in a time when I really need a support network. Do you really want to go through that process once you've moved to Germany?

I think you already took the first, and most important step, you admitted to yourself that you don't love you husband and you don't want to live the rest of your life with him. It's sad, with what both of you and your families invested in this project, but if you're sure that it's not worth trying to save your marriage, if you know what you want (or what you don't want), don't dwell on what other people think. It doesn't have to be about taking sides, and no matter what, your friends and family will support you. It's going to be hard, but it's not going to get easier because it will happen eventually, right?

The more time you lead your husband to think your have a future together, the harder it could be for him to deal with the fact you knew, and did not have the courage to tell him. Be brave, it will be hard on everyone, but it will be for the best.

Re: Divorcing young, seeking advice, why am I running?

Oi Ana
Sorry to ask you
Are you from Brazil?
Because I am ...☺️

I also been to this forum before After 33 years of marriage I decided to divorced last October at 58 Years old
The people from this forum helped many women healed with the kind words and made us stronger battling all this horrible things ex-husband does to us .

It’s not easy but time will heal you all can do it and you will survive if you believe in yourself and choose a path that will make you Happy
I don’t ever want to reconcile and not be with him as a “friend” either because he was controlling and emotional abusive to me and to my two kids sometimes I will cry and get sad at times but I am trying my best to heal the scar he left me ...
Good Luck to everyone in this forum

Thank you Everyone

Love and peace ✌️ to all

Re: Divorcing young, seeking advice, why am I running?

Hey hun,
I can feel the pain from your words. I’m in the USA, 33 yr old woman and in the middle of divorcing a man I thought I would spend forever with. What relates to me from your story is that I was your husbands role in our marriage. Married to a man who didn’t love me as he “pretended” to. I was the woman everyone was telling him not to lose, she’s great, don’t mess it up, etc. So he tried. Until he couldn’t anymore. I was broken. Lost complete sense of self and identity. But I later realized it wasn’t Bc of him, it was Bc I didn’t love myself enough. Enough to be the real me, enough to put aside what he thinks or expects of me culturally as a wife and just enjoy my life. Do the things that make me happy. I can say I was over cautious with him Bc he had a rough childhood, lost a lot of family & friends young and was misunderstood by many.
I felt Bc I understood him and loved him as he was, I should do more to show him that. Be more loving, be around always, support him regardless, etc. As I think back, our fights, the yelling and all the emotional & even physical abuse wasn’t worth it but I did realize that when I thought I was telling him how I really felt, I wasn’t. And same with him. We were just saying what we disliked about one another without really saying how we’re feeling. Or what we expect. I was afraid to hurt his feelings Bc he would lash out at me.
Express yourself. Say what you really want. I wish I did. Even if it’s a weekend alone to process what you feel. He might even feel the same way. Spend time with your childhood friends and reminisce on who you are.
Yes your husband loves you but if you can’t reciprocate that Bc you think the grass is greener on the other side, it’s not. It’s only greener where you water it. If you feel this way Bc of another lover in your life, that’s not really his fault. But if you don’t speak up, nothing will change.
Marriage is not easy, and this life is not either, but they’re both worth it from what I keep hearing. Sending you good vibes.