I am feeling overwhelmingly sad today. I can’t seem to overcome it. I’ve reached out to my friends and gotten no response. I have no one talk to and I feel totally lost. I just need to get my feelings out. I’ve been crying morning; my kids are going with their dad today and I don’t know how to cope. On top of that I have a court date scheduled for next week. I feel like everything is coming at me full steam ahead. How do I cope?

Hi Mich

First of all , a big hug from me to you,
My Divorce is almost finalised, I know exactly what you are going through, I kicked my stbe out last October, the first time he took my sons aged 20 out for a meal, I felt left out, we never went out because money was tight, and all of a sudden he is taking them out for meals , I can’t afford to take them out ,as he has left me financially screwed , I felt really low the first time it happened, but I kept saying to myself in a few hours it will all be over they will be back home, I felt betrayed , jealous , they were going out with a man who broke our hearts , lied , was psychically abusive, I had done nothing wrong part from standing by a habitual liar and adulterer.
But you know what , I kept saying this time tomorrow I will have got past this, and I did, there is a first for everything, first birthday, first xmas, first anniversary, wedding anniversary, etc etc, once you get those out the way , it’s easier .
I did go through my sad times , and at one point almost buckled , I found these rose tinted spectacles , picked them up and put them on, big mistake , but we all do it , so I read through my journals that I have been writing , that soon got me to take off the spectacles and stamp on them, never to be worn again. I get the trying to talk to friends and they don’t reply, I would try and talk to my sister, I knew she was avoiding me, it’s almost you can sense their eyes starting to glaze over, in the end she told me she didn’t want to talk about it , one of the reasons was she was so mad at him, that it just put her back up.
I know that am getting there because I don’t write in my journal as much, it was my go to when I wanted to get the anger and sadness off my chest, I was dreading the decree nisi dropping on my mat, now I can’t wait , I am moving soon , It will be difficult financially, but you never know what’s around the corner , once he has moved us I never want to clap eyes on him again .
I promis you , it does get better, if you feel great or half normal for a day but then feel deepest despair the next day, please don’t worry , it does not mean that you will never heal , because you will. I am nervous about the unknown especially at 58, but you know what in all honesty and with hindsight, I wasn’t living , I was existing , I was cheated on lied to treated with utter disrespect, do I really want to live like that for the rest of my life. Take each day as it comes , if easier break it down to hours and minutes , sure as eggs are eggs , each day the sun rises , another day dawns and you will be closer to happiness. As for the court date , on the day before or on the day, keep thinking , I can do this, this time tomorrow it will be over with , of course you might have another hurdle , but it’s the same with that hurdle, all the hurdles will eventually fall, I often say , if I could invent a time machine , I would press the fast forward button so we didn’t have to feel the pain . But all this has taught me something, it’s taught me that I a stronger than I thought , and I have learnt some valuable lessons.
I look forward to a new life, and I wish you well in yours because the life in front of you is far more important than the life behind you.
Post back if you need to talk , am in the uk xxxx

Thank you so much for responding; it is really appreciated. My lawyer just filed divorce paperwork this Thursday. Just knowing that the process has begun is especially nerve racking. Unfortunately there are no support groups in my area which is why I reached out here. I also just found out that he is living with the woman he had an affair with. I don’t know why it still bothers me. I know in my mind I know I am better off , but I still feel that my heart is breaking. I know I will come out a stronger, more independent person in the end.

Hi, I feel for you. I’m going through a second molar situation. I saw my GP and ask for some anti-depressants which have taken the edge off. I still feel sad of course, but less prone to crying and no more private thoughts of ‘should I just end it all?’

Try to notice when things are getting ‘heavy’ metal health-wise for you. No one knows yourself better than you. Allow yourself to grieve your loss, but put a time limit on it. What I mean is-it’s ok to feel crap and lie in bed all day long for a day, so long as the next day you make yourself get up, get dressed and go for a walk. Or sit in a quiet corner of a cafe and ‘people watch.’ Bake, clean your house, read books and magazines to distract your mind. Put some upbeat background music on. Give yourself a home facial. Write a journal. Write your troubles (anonymously) on a piece of paper, then fold it and float it down a river and watch your troubles fade into the distance.

Please be kind to yourself. At times it can feel like no one understands, or everyone is too busy to care, and that you are feeling completely abandoned and alone. Join meet up groups, watch Netflix, rest when you feel tired, but most of all-please know that you are not alone. There are thousands of other women behind closed doors, who also feel sad and lonely. Many buy a pet for company and to break the silence when you’re alone in the evenings.

If you feel truly down in the dumps-either go to bed early to give your brain a rest from the stress, or call a counselling 24/7 service and chat to a worker at n confidence. Things will get better for you over time. you might not be able to see that at the moment while you’re in the thick of it, but believe me, your life will improve and will become happier. Until then, practice self-care & try to allow yourself some positive experiences. Ps. Mindfulness and yoga are also helpful :)