I have been married to this man for almost 48 years. He was never affectionate but I tricked myself to think having sex was his way to show it. Raised 4 kids and worked as a nurse.So I had alot of distractions. About 20 years ago sex became a chore. and then became less and less. I retired 2 years ago and it all hit me in the heart. We moved and Covid came. I came in earlier than he expected and caught him naked in front of a porn video. He ran to the bathroom. I was stunned, hurt, speachless. He was depressed from this move and Covid. I stayed close to him always thinking of him. Then I caught him again. I asked why he couldn't do I took a 13 week that with me. He said"You are old, fat, and ugly" I sobbed! We moved again and he felt better. Now the move , porn, and all I got depressed he was on the computer so I pushed it away and asked him to play with me. He said" No. I'm not attracted to you."I took a 13 week job out of state, When I came back he buys me everything I say I want.(not normal for him) I caught him rubbing his dick with his porn ***** the other night. He said" All men do it. It's natural. No reason to get upset" I told him I am jealous because I don't get anything but your video slut gets it all. He has said he isn't hurting anyone. What he does is his business.He never acknowledges my feelings. He does think of me by buying things for me. I DON'T WHAT THINGS!!
There's alot more but out of space.
Hello! I hope you know many of us know what you are going through. It is unfortunate that our world has made it so easy to access pornographic material in so many ways. I have been through this myself and there is nothing worse that the fact of knowing the person you love prefers imagination over you, and in addition to that, how can any of us compete with u realistic serial occurrences that are anything but intimate.
Do not feel sorry for how you feel and do not allow him to convince you that nothing is wrong. He is very much hurting you and even himself mentally. But you have to understand that you cannot force him to change. My advice would be to take some time to yourself away and figure out exactly what you want and need. No matter how it goes, it is going to hurt somewhere down the path, but when you finally reach your destination you find that sense of inner peace and joy you are searching for. You are not responsible for his actions, and you do not have to accept his gifts. Just politely say no thank you and stick to your morals and beliefs that he knows you have. He married you with those morals and beliefs in tact, so he knows exactly what he is doing.
Stay strong and know that you are cherished and loved by God. Lean on him and find time to meditate and clear your mind daily.
A lot of men do watch porn. Men who reach midlife and beyond and who wouldn’t necessarily stand a hope in hell of having a buxom woman sexually, find it exciting. But-of course it’s pure fantasy. All make-believe-I mean, some of the storylines are just so fake that they’re utterly laughable.
The issue is though, that he’s not just engaging in watching porn-he’s also belittled and insulted you. Calling you ugly etc, is very hurtful. No doubt he’s no longer any ‘oil painting’ either: Age impacts everyone’s hairline, waistline etc etc. (unless you’re rich enough to get constant surgeries…)
I hate to say, but I’m going to be frank: You we’re out of town for a long time. Do you think maybe he took his fantasies to another level and had an affair and/or met up with a hooker? Maybe the gift offerings are his guilty conscience?