First, I want to start by saying that you are never alone and you are so very much loved. I think many of us here know the feelings you are wrestling with currently, I do not believe any single person hasn't crossed a moment like this at least once. I feel like it is important that you know this deep depression does happen to many, even those that are in a good relationship. There is just a point that we all look around us and ask ourselves, "what are we doing with our lives?"
Secondly, I encourage you to listen to yourself when you are telling those "little white lies" about your plans for the weekend. Make a promise to yourself that the next to you do this, you are going to make every attempt in the world to actually do it. Even if you are alone in doing it, the gratifying feeling of knowing that you followed through with something you told somebody you were doing will be great! Even if it starts out slow, just try to make one thing you claim to have planned come to fruition.
Lastly, while speaking to other women on this site is an excellent form or release and not feeling alone, I deeply and respectfully encourage you to search for somebody within your church or a therapist to speak to about these feelings. The reason for this, is getting to be in person with somebody will make you see, feel, and witness for yourself how much you are loved. There is nothing in this world that is worth taking your own life, the ones that will be hurt are your children. Think about all the things in their future that you will miss out on? All the moments they will not have you there to support them and cheer them on.
In conclusion, though you have no idea who I am, I hope you know that I support you, care about you, and know that you are meant for so much more than you are allowing yourself to see right now. You are beautiful and you are needed. Decide that it is time for a full makeover of your life. If you don't like your job, change it. If you don't like you house, work on it. The secret here is not to become overwhelmed by it. One little change at a time. Don't quit your job, but maybe start applying to other places and start putting yourself out there to have more options! Don't get a loan and completely remodel your house, just pick one room, decide on a paint color and paint for a weekend. Go to church, surround yourself be many people, even if you don't talk to any of them at first, being around others can really help get you to take that first step to becoming social a little bit more. Look for a live support group in your community. Many churches have a divorce recovery group, don't be afraid to ask!
I know you can do this. I know you want to be here and I know that you want to love beyond what you know you are capable of. It first starts with counting your blessing and not looking around at what everybody else has that you don't. If the ex is boasting and bragging, do not talk to him. Wait until you are in a better place to handle it. Until then, trust me, you do not owe him your time to listen to it.