How did you divorce a husband who doesn’t want a divorce?
Firstly, I know I have the right to divorce even if my husband doesn’t want one. If I am unhappy then I know I am allowed to divorce and he has to accept it… but has anyone else been in a situation where they are so worried to tell their spouse they want a divorce because you know they will not accept it ? I know my husband loves me but he is very controlling. I don’t think he means to be but he has to control every situation and the outcome. He gets very upset when a situation is not in his control and he isn’t making the decisions.
I want a divorce because I am unhappy and I know I am not invested in working on the relationship. I don’t want to go into details here but his desire to control every situation and how we make decisions in our marriage has made up my mind that I want out and a fresh start. I know he will tell me I can’t leave and instead we have to do this this and this. I guess I owe it to him to go to couples counseling, I am having individual counseling right now. But I am just scared I will let him control the situation again and just go along with what he wants because it is so exhausting to fight him on it. I want to be able to be firm and stand up for myself but I am weak. I can’t work out if I’m just weak and that is my flaw or if being married to him as made me this way.
Re: How did you divorce a husband who doesn’t want a divorce?
I’ve never been married before but I’ve also never had a hard time walking away from relationships if they aren’t working for me. I guess I’m struggling this time because it’s a marriage and not just a relationship. I feel I have to stay
Re: How did you divorce a husband who doesn’t want a divorce?
Hi Linda,
I was in a similar situation. I wanted the divorce, but my husband did not. He was also very controlling, emotionally abusive and had horrible outbursts.
Once I made up my mind, I found a divorce attorney. I spent several months working with her and setting up a plan. I did not tell my husband anything. She had me get my finances straight, make copies of all legal and financial documents, remove my personal valuables from the home, etc. We filed for the divorce and then I told my husband.
She had a list of recommendations for me. I did not tell him at home, I had a plan to not go back to the house for a couple of nights, etc.
Surprisingly my ex- handled it well, but he could just have easily blown up about it. But, I had already filed so there wasn't a discussion about can I/can't I, should I/shouldn't I divorce him, because it was done.
Re: How did you divorce a husband who doesn’t want a divorce?
I am so sorry you had to go through that. Congratulations to you on getting out and going through with your divorce.
I really appreciate the support. I do have all my documents together and separate bank account, I also have a free 30 minute consultation with a divorce attorney on Wednesday. I guess I need to be patient and wait till I have had the consultation and maybe things will be come clearer.
Re: How did you divorce a husband who doesn’t want a divorce?
Following your thread as I am in the same boat. I wish I had some advice for you. I know my husband doesn't want a divorce and would right away victimize himself if I suggested it. I'm just starting to feel like an idiot giving him all these chances to change and he never does. Promises to the moon and back and it never sticks. I should probably try what you are doing and at least visit with a divorce lawyer. Let me know how the consultation went. :)
Re: How did you divorce a husband who doesn’t want a divorce?
Hi, the consultation went really well. It made me feel more at ease that when I am ready, I have someone good to go too. She also told me lots of people go back and forth contemplating like I do, sometimes it takes them a year to take the step and file.
I would recommend finding a free consultation with a lawyer just to talk things through if you are having trouble deciding. I wish you well
Re: How did you divorce a husband who doesn’t want a divorce?
I'm glad the consultation went well for you. I imagine its very helpful to get to know the process and have questions answered. God only knows how long I'll continue to go back and forth before I make up my mind. I'm too scared to go to a consult yet. I guess it makes it too real for me...or I'm worried he'll find out somehow.
Keep us posted in the future how things are going for you. I'll be rooting for you :)