Hi, It sounds as if you're making the right decision. Given that he knows how his behaviours can deteriorate when he doesn't take his meds, yet still takes himself off them-despite knowing that events such as falling asleep in the gas station with your child in the car (and presumably he'd been driving before-hand???) should have scared him into making sure he takes his meds/cuts back on the booze. I think it sounds as if you've tried and tried to stick it out with him. Whilst he's not to 'blame' and the mental health illness is the cause-it none-the-less stands to place you and the children at risk of harm/neglect. How do we know that it won't be you or one of your kids who gets stabbed by him 'next time?' The risks are, sadly, just too high.

You can still feel love for him. Your children can still see him. You can be friends with him if you choose to be-BUT only when he's safe.

Losing the relationship is a loss. You're bound to be feeling lost, confused...even maybe, a little guilty. BUT you've absolutely done the right thing to protect yourself and your children. He, as a grown adult, has a choice whether to take his meds to keep well. Your children however, have no choice in how he behaves towards them. It might be helpful for you and the children to see a counsellor to discuss your feelings and to help the children understand that dad has an illness that makes him behave in certain ways.

It sounds as if you have been through a lot of traumatic events with him, so perhaps some trauma-informed counselling might be helpful for yourself. All you can do is take things one day at a time right now. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that leaving him was probably the kindest, safest option for you all.

Exercise (yoga/walking/swimming), reading, listening to music, meeting with friends, watching a move, having a bubble bath...can all be helpful to help the mind heal and give it space to 'make sense' of what's happened. Hopefully, he is also linked with a psychiatrist who can guide him to live a life in which he is decreasingly having 'episodes,' through psychiatry, medications and perhaps some group therapy for moral support. He may actually enjoy things being more peaceful now-without family members 'buzzing around' him?

Have you spoken with the school counsellor re what happened at the baseball game? It's important your son gets to share, in confidence and in a supportive environment, how he feels about what happened. School kids can be utterly cruel, so it might be helpful if he can practice a few phrases he can say to any potential bullies/have a safe place/person he can go to in school if he's being bullied.