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Moving on After an Affair?

Is there any way to move on and fix your marriage after an affair? If anyone has any tips or advice, I'd love to hear it!

Re: Moving on After an Affair?

I tried. Went to couples therapy, forgave him, committed to saving our nearly 30 year marriage. Ultimately he decided he wanted to pursue a relationship with her and we've been divorced for 2 months. You can't make him love you.

Re: Moving on After an Affair?

I agree, you can’t make him love you. My husband has been having an affair for two years, I have forgiven him every time I caught him. The last time,I filed for divorce and told him so. He said he doesn’t want a divorce, so I chickened out and stopped the divorce. I don’t know if he will continue to cheat, but I do know I can no longer forgive, and I don’t plan on forgiving again. Best of luck

Re: Moving on After an Affair?

Ashley,

I am so sorry. Speaking from experience, my husband has been having an affair for two years, he swore it is finally over but, after 21 years of marriage I know my husband and his attitude changes toward me whenever he has had any kind of contact with her. I am slowly moving out of our bedroom, slowly doing things without him and will eventually file for divorce. I can no longer forgive and I won’t live a life being lied to on a daily basis. As to your question, moving on after an affair? I have read and read so many books, columns, etc. some say yes some say no. Personally for me, I just can’t. I may have if he was sincere in ending his affair, sincere about being sorry, understanding and acknowledging how betrayed I feel and still feel, being more attentive to my needs willingly showing attention and affection toward me. But, he instead, gets angry when I ask if it’s over, or if they have talked, texted, whatever. He wants me to act as he, as if nothing is wrong. I simply can’t do that. He broke the trust in our marriage, continued to go to a woman who harassed and threatened me so for me the reconciliation train has passed.

If you both want it to work and he completely understands that the trust you had is gone and HE needs to regain it, then yes, I think it could work. But he needs to make an effort, I am a big believer in marriage counseling, mine will not go, so I have decided to go alone and work on me. Hopefully your husband will want to regain your trust and go to marriage counseling.

Good luck