My husband of 23 years has not been intimate with me in the last 13 years. I threatened to leave him once 14 years ago because of his lack of interest and asked him if there was someone else, gay, or asexual. He promised none of these and would do better. He is a great guy and wonderful provider and father so until now I made the decision to stay but I had to turn off my romantic feelings for him and accept him as just my partner. The other morning, I woke up and opened my phone to see there was an instant message on social media to me from him. It was one of those sites where the hot young girl with big boobs wants you to follow her. He clearly meant to save it but accidentally sent it to me instead while he was pleasuring himself. I didn't say anything to him but he acted strange all day and has ever since. I am most hurt that he obviously has sexual desires and prefers to do this rather than be with his once willing wife I have been unwillingly celibate for 13 years!! I'm so angry. I feel like this has pushed me over the edge but now I'm trying to figure out if I can afford to be alone and afraid of how my college age son will react if I leave.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been married 21 years and have discovered my husband having an affair. I gave him chance after chance, forgiven time and time again. I know I should leave him, but as a dutiful wife and mother, I stayed home to raise our children. But, I have decided it is time for me to wash my hands of him to find peace and happiness.

Dear Elizabeth,
so sorry about your pain.
I know how this feels. It eats you up.
I am going through the same. For years.
My husband is also not intersted in me any more.
As a matter of fact he started to feel different about me when I was in my early 30th and beautiful
Now I am 65, and look accordingly.
There is no chance in hell I can keep up with all his
internet *****s.
I am hurting like you.

I am now trying to make myself stronger and to get out of the fog. A little bit every day.
Get past the depression somehow and start acting.
Looking very closely what exactly is going on.
Not saying much.
But observing.
Than I will make my move.
I hope denial will not get into the way as this is my
favourite cure.
One thing I have realized by now that there are
plenty of men out there looking for a real relationship with a real woman. Especially when you are a bit older. Personally I cannot even imagine any interest in a future relationship, but looking at dating sites is part of my recovery.

Put up a profile and see what happens. It is quite intersting and can be fun.

Elisabeth,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My husband has told me he no longer has the urge to be intimate due to health reasons he says. But I found out he was having an affair, so now I know why he tells me he no longer has the urge. I understand the hurt that comes with being rejected by your husband. Mine still tells me he loves me, wants to stay married (we have been married 21 years) and he swears he’s no longer involved with the other woman, but my gut tells me otherwise. Although we live in a different state from her, his attitude toward me changes whenever they have spoken or texted. Have you considered seeing a counselor? I have recently started seeing one and it is making a world of difference. I have come to realize that it’s not me, as I had thought in the beginning, it’s him. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I know this is terrible of me to say, but I plan on filing for divorce as soon as I get a few things together and taken care of. I no longer feel like I owe my husband any explanations as all he has done is lie time and time again. You owe it to yourself to be happy and I urge you to find that happiness, either with him, if he’s willing or alone.

Best of luck

I too have to leave this toxic relationship.. 40 years of misery. Stayed for my child who is now a grown up and I can't stand living in misery. He wont take me anywhere we disagree on everything. Its total misery. I need to leave... I am so afraid. I have no friends no family... this is truly and unbelievable way to live. He goes out everyweek with his friends and I never go anywhere with him. He has cheated on me before and swear he is doing it again... I just want him gone... He is such a trouble maker in my life.. What will help me get over the hump?? I need to be free of this burden its making me literally sick. I have an itchy skin condition because of nerves when he is around.. Its terrible. Any help anyone can give me would be wonderful.. Thank you

Couldn’t stay in my marriage anymore. Husband meant a women four years ago she gave him this story that she has cancer and needed help. So for the last four years he has sent her money every month. All our retirement money is gone our stocks. We got behind on bills so now we have to file bankruptcy. Our house will be gone because we are behind on taxes. So right now I have nothing. I’m so mad what am I to do at age 69. The excuse he gave was awful he said she needed his help someone we didn’t even know. Of course this whole thing turned out to be a scam. My two sons are helping me but I can’t lean on them they have their own family with kids that are in college. Here I am at this point in my life getting help through the government with my apartment and food and other things. But thank goodness but if not for that I’d still be with him because I’d have no place to go. Worst part this is not the first time he’s been with another woman he was seeing one when I was going through breast cancer nine years ago. I stayed because I thought marriage is not easy and you just have to work harder at it. But I’m tired and I just want to relax now . This is really hard but all my friends and family say I’m strong . I cry a lot at night I just want to get my own place and be settled.

Thank you Diana, yes, I have considered seeing a counselor and need to do it. No clue where to start to find one but I guess that's not an excuse. It's so exhausting. I'm sorry for your situation too. It's almost more painful to realize that they would rather "keep you" than get divorced and let you be happy. I have no interest in having a legally obligated roommate for the rest of my life. Best of luck to you too.