I know this is not going to be popular, but I’m looking for an honest opinion and non judgemental.
Has anyone on here left their husband for another man, and can they speak to their experience ?
My husband is rude, unkind, selfish and politically and religiously extreme. I moved to the US from another country and feel very isolated only having his family here and none of mine.
We have been married 5 years now. He only really has one good friend because he does not treat people with kindness, he is very controlling and has extremem anxiety when things are not going the way he wants and I do not feel he can cope when he is not in control.
We do not have much in common. He is very far right politically and the U.K. kindness and at times hatred he shows towards people who vote democrats and members of his own family for voting democrats just makes me so sad. He doesn’t allow for me to have my own religious beliefs, I knew he was Pentecostal when I married him but I never said I would convert or get baptised, he only ever asked that I go to church with him, which I agree too but I will not change my view on religion.
I stupidly started an affair with a co worker who I have a lot more in common with, politically and religiously (he is single) he is a kinder person and treats people with more respect. I fell hard. My husband found out about my co worker but only that we were having what he calls an emotional affair. Messaging him and me sharing personal information etc. he also saw that one time the co worker sent me some money as a gift. He got very angry (obviously) and asked me to cut off all communication (which I did) we have not spoke or seen each other in over a month now.
My husband scares me because he also takes testosterone which I believe makes him loose his temper more at things. I want to divorce him but I am scared he will turn violent towards me or my co worker. He keeps coming home and telling me news stories about husbands who have found their wives cheating and the husband kill her and then himself.
I don’t know what to do. I know I was in the wrong with the affair but he has just not been a kind person, he doesn’t seem capable of being a kind person. Only towards me if I am letting him make all the decisions in our marriage. I feel like my husband is more I sensed with me than in love with me in a healthy way. I just feel so trapped.

I am in no way condoning an affair, but I can certainly understand the why and need. I believe you should leave your husband regardless, especially if you feel threatened. That is no way to live. I recommend professional help and guidance, and if he continues to come home and mentions men who hurt their wives I would go to the police. You should not have to live in fear of the man who vowed to protect you. Best of luck.

Thank you, I appreciate your non judgment and understanding. I have recently sough counselling to over coke my fear of leaving him. I did go to a divorce lawyer but I did not mention my affair. Maybe I need to go back and me room it so she can give me advise on what to do next regarding a divorce if I am scared of violence.

I am glad to hear you have started seeing a counselor. You need to be honest with the counselor, if you aren’t they can’t help and guide you. Seeing a counselor is a safe, nonjudgmental space for you, a person you can share all everything with.

Good luck