Hi All,
I have been married for 28 yrs. I should have left a long time ago, but I stayed to keep the family together. So, I have no idea where to start except to go see an attorney. What kind of cost am I looking at? I work full time and have my own benefits thankfully. I spent most of my time home with kids when they were growing up and just worked part time so I don’t have much for retirement. I will give you an example of my current situation to let you know why it’s just time to go. Our pool was going to get opened on Sat. We’ve had a temporary fence around it all winter as we have a puppy. Friday night my husband took the fence down. When the dogs went out the puppy was curious and fell in making a hole in the cover. The dog quickly swam out and was fine. My husband totally freaked out screaming and yelling. Telling me that I’m an fking idiot, he then took my daughters car away from her as it’s her dog and changed the password on the internet so we don’t have any internet. It’s was an accident no one meant for the dog to fall in. The pool water wasn’t destroyed. This man is a hot head, most likely bipolar and a narcissist. I just can’t do this anymore, it’s crazy. It will definitely be a huge fight all the way but I need to be free from him and so do my adult daughters. Any advice??
I was in a similar situation with my ex-husband.
First ask around your friends and connections to get a recommendation for a good divorce attorney.
Make an appointment. I think I had to put down about $1,500 retainer/initial payment. I spent about 3-4 months working with her, getting my ducks in a row. She had me make copies of all financial documents, put my personal valuables and documents at my sister's house. Locked up his gun and put the key to the gun safe at my sister's house. She made a new will and medical power of attorney for me.
While we were doing this I put extra effort into keeping things calm and smooth at home.
After we did everything, we filed the divorce papers and then I told him. She had many suggestions about that; don't tell him at home, have somewhere safe to go, etc.
As a part of the settlement he was required to pay for half of the remaining court costs.
Kelly, I am so glad I read your post. I have been going round in circles trying to work out how and when to file for divorce, in case my husband (who takes steroids) gets violent towards me. He doesn’t have a gun, thank fully ! But I’m honestly scared of him still. I need to speak to my lawyer again and make a proper plan, I didn’t realise they could help you with things like that. I also did not think about telling him in a public place.
I'm glad my input helped. Good luck and stay safe!
I did not follow all of her suggestions, such as tell my teenage sons first. I did try to stay considerate and respectful.
We had been seeing a counselor, so I made an appointment for him the day after I planned to tell him so he would have someone to go talk to.
I did want him to be okay, but also self serving of course, because I didn't want him pushing back too hard against the divorce.
I didn't want to make him too defensive - that wouldn't have been productive at all. I was afraid he would get angry and lash out, but surprisingly he didn't. Do what you need to to keep yourself safe and him calm. Once the divorce is final you can tell him to go jump, but ideally you don't want him pushing back too hard and dragging things out.