Kelly, I am so glad I read your post. I have been going round in circles trying to work out how and when to file for divorce, in case my husband (who takes steroids) gets violent towards me. He doesn’t have a gun, thank fully ! But I’m honestly scared of him still. I need to speak to my lawyer again and make a proper plan, I didn’t realise they could help you with things like that. I also did not think about telling him in a public place.
I'm glad my input helped. Good luck and stay safe!
I did not follow all of her suggestions, such as tell my teenage sons first. I did try to stay considerate and respectful.
We had been seeing a counselor, so I made an appointment for him the day after I planned to tell him so he would have someone to go talk to.
I did want him to be okay, but also self serving of course, because I didn't want him pushing back too hard against the divorce.
I didn't want to make him too defensive - that wouldn't have been productive at all. I was afraid he would get angry and lash out, but surprisingly he didn't. Do what you need to to keep yourself safe and him calm. Once the divorce is final you can tell him to go jump, but ideally you don't want him pushing back too hard and dragging things out.