I am struggling so much in my marriage. My husband left me for another woman in a very dramatic and awful way. It caused me intense trauma, embarrassment and pain. My son was just turning 2 when it happened. I really did well for myself, returned to school and got a degree. My husband begged for me to take him back for 2 years and was being very charming and I wanted my son to have his parents together so I took him back. We moved to a new city for a fresh start. Once we started fully living together he has been awful again. Hiding finances (he paid off his loser brothers debt of over $100,000!), lying to me, being short and impatient with me and our son. He is mean and difficult to live with. He is emotionally abusive to me. My son has been through so much turmoil in his short life. He is now six. We are in the process of building our dream home and a month away from moving in. I keep hoping things are going to get better but my husband has muscle dystrophy and as his condition worsens, the meaner he is to me. My son is so excited to move into the home. I don’t know what to do. It is 12 years until my son graduates high school. I feel like no matter what I do I would hurt my son. I want to minimize his pain but don’t know what to do. I am so mad at myself for taking him back when we had a clean break and my son wouldn’t have even remembered us ever being together. I have applied to start a masters program in the fall so will do that. I don’t even know what question I’m asking, just ranting I suppose. I feel like I’m drowning in pain and all I want is to be a good person and live a happy life. I know counseling is needed and I’m actively looking.
Divorce or stay?
It sounds like your husband's behavior has escalated. I don't think you can expect it to get better from this point, only worse. I don't think you want to teach your son that this is what a marriage should look like.
Do what you need to to take care of yourself and your son. If you divorce, of course it will be hard on your son, but it may be the best thing for him in the long run. Only you can make that decision.
I bet you know the answer because you sound smart and aware. Your son will get over the house. Think about how you want him to feel about you and your relationship 5 years from now ... 8 years from now ... 10 years from you. It is likely not going to get better because your husband has a personality issue.