I stuck by my husband while he was battling alcoholism. I took on the lion's share of managing our lives. He's sober five years -- which is huge. While I'm grateful, I know deep down that when I distanced myself emotionally from him while he was drinking I became detached. I stopped relying on him for anything -- most of all emotional support and partnership. So here we are -- five years sober and we live more as roommates and co-parents. We get along well for the most part. We don't fight. We have fun with our kids. But it's not magic. It's not a romantic bond. I'm not sure I want to go through counseling as I feel like that's making a promise to him that if he does X, Y and Z, I'll be madly in love and we'll live happily ever after. Our whole relationship was built in a bar -- all dates included drinking. It wasn't sloppy and reckless -- but there wasn't a lot of deep thoughts and connection either. We didn't establish a bond based on shared passions. We have our kids now, which we both love beyond words. But I want more. And even if there's no guarantee that I'll find it at age 52, I feel like I deserve to be in love. Has anyone split up for similar reasons?
I am sorry about your situation. I am also in a emotionless marriage due to my husband having an affair. It has been going on for 2 years and I have caught them 4 times in that 2 year period. He swears it’s now over because I actually did file for divorce, which I retracted the next day. I have started counseling, he refuses to go with. I feel like he simply just sweeps this under the rug, which I can’t do. He says he no longer has the urge to be affectionate, passionate, romantic, anything a wife would need who’s husband strayed. I can’t live as roommates, I have tried and simply need more. I have given him a road map to what I needed from him to repair what he broke, he just refuses to help me repair this marriage. Which leaves me alone, true he’s here with me, but more as a roommate or guest. I plan on filing by the end of the year. If I have to live with a roommate, I am going to live with someone I choose, not someone I feel doesn’t want to be here! Good luck
I lived with an alcoholic for 11 years but he never did admit to having an issue. Kudos to your husband for his sobriety for 5 years. I completely understand your feelings though. I definitely lost my feelings of love and comfort and it didn’t feel as if he was my husband. It felt as though we were both just living, except he was living “the life” while I was miserable and felt I had nothing but a life of alcohol and raised our child by myself. I finally divorced him 2 years ago and I have never been so happy. Yes it’s still emotional for me as our son is 15 now and I still feel bad that he has to live in 2 homes. I don’t have the answers but I will tell you I didn’t see any change was ever gonna happen and I now have someone who loves me, takes care of me and goes above and beyond to make me feel loved. I’m so glad I got out of my marriage and I wish you all the best in whatever decisions you make. Hang in there and hopefully you will find happiness in whatever you decide to do.