I lived with an alcoholic for 11 years but he never did admit to having an issue. Kudos to your husband for his sobriety for 5 years. I completely understand your feelings though. I definitely lost my feelings of love and comfort and it didn’t feel as if he was my husband. It felt as though we were both just living, except he was living “the life” while I was miserable and felt I had nothing but a life of alcohol and raised our child by myself. I finally divorced him 2 years ago and I have never been so happy. Yes it’s still emotional for me as our son is 15 now and I still feel bad that he has to live in 2 homes. I don’t have the answers but I will tell you I didn’t see any change was ever gonna happen and I now have someone who loves me, takes care of me and goes above and beyond to make me feel loved. I’m so glad I got out of my marriage and I wish you all the best in whatever decisions you make. Hang in there and hopefully you will find happiness in whatever you decide to do.