My husband has been messaging other women for several years. He has lost an eldership at church and a job because of it. After that, I threatened divorce if he didn't stop. We bought a new house and renewed our vows. 3 months after the vow renewal I caught him doing it again. And then again and again. He lost another job due to downsizing and then I found more. I threatened to divorce again and was stupid enough to give him the "trial period" he requested and big surprise, he didn't stop. Now I say I am finally done. We have been to counseling where he has spouted off the same crap to the counselor that he did to me. He refuses to leave the house and says that he will not give me the house. That if I am the one unhappy I am the one that has to leave. I don't even know what to do. We have two teenage daughters that I also have to consider.
Anyone who has been in a bad marriage at some point always wonders this. What advice would you give your best friend should she be in this situation. Follow that advice. Is the current situation healthy for your teenagers and are you fully there for them while dealing with your hurt and anger? Should you sacrifice your health and well being to hold a family together? Personally, as hard and scary as it seems, I would call it quits.
The worst that will happen is you will have to sell your house and divide it down the middle if you are in a community property state. Normally if there are underage children involved, you may get to keep the house because of the children. You may get 50/50 custody but with your husband's track record, I doubt he would get custody. My advice is to quit listening to what your husband is saying he is "going" to do and talk to a divorce attorney and find out what he "has" to do.
I’m so sorry to hear about the mess that your husband has put you and your daughters in. My husband cheated as well, repeatedly with the same woman, and as you I forgave and forgave, but no more! You ask what should you do? If one of your daughters came to you with this, what would you advise them to do? Would this acceptable behavior from your son in law? If not, why is this acceptable behavior for you? Good luck.