Womans Divorce Forum

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Deeply Hurting

I had been with my ex for over 23 years. We were married for 14 of those years. During these years, I caught my ex cheating three separate times. This last time it was with two different women at his workplace. He had told them that he was no longer with me, that I would leave our son at his doorstep whenever I wanted and that he was a wonderful father. For thanksgiving, he claimed he cooked the meal, sending them pictures of the food I cooked, telling our son and me that he had to work when he was going to be with one or both of them. I was angry, but I kept quiet and prepared for a divorce. From the time I filed until a month before we signed the divorce papers, he kept coming back and asking me to stop the divorce, saying he loved his family and wanted it back. I couldn't anymore; I was drowning in sorrow and anger. I told him no. But the whole time, he still saw one of the two women he was having an affair with. The entire time he was trying to get me to stop the divorce. Our son went with him this weekend on a mini-vacation, and he told me she called and texted his dad all day.
I know I made the right decision in getting divorced, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts so much to see that I meant so little. Sometimes at night, I can't sleep because of my heartache. I know I must move on and let go of all the pain. It's not easy. I can't afford therapy and hate venting to my family and friends. They believe I need to overcome and move on, and I am trying. I don't know what to do anymore to get rid of these feelings. It hurts so bad that I feel physically ill at times. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Deeply Hurting

I understand your pain. It hurts the most when the lights are off and you are in silence. Some things help but only in the moment. As soon as it is still and quiet all the thoughts and feeling of abandonment creeps in. I am deeply hurting as well. I never thought but actually I knew for longer than I was willing to admit that is was over. I need to find the strength to keep moving.

Re: Deeply Hurting

Your story is similar to mine. My husband cheated through the whole 30 year marriage. It hurt but I realized he had a problem not me. But then again I guess I did have a problem and it was remaining with him too long. I cried a lot and then I would think about how he treated me and dry my eyes. Think about how he treated you to get over him. I realized I was grieving over the “marriage” and not the “man.”

Re: Deeply Hurting

I understand your pain. I have been there. Buy the book “Leave a Cheater Gain a Life” it’s a great book, it helped me so much. See if you can find a community counselor or support group, there should be some in your area. He sounds like a classic narcissist, and that is someone you don’t want to hang on to. It’s going to take time, let yourself grieve. Don’t let people tell you to get over it, or it’s time to move on, they apparently have not been cheated on and lied to on a regular basis. Good luck and remember you are not alone.