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Feeling hopeless and suicidal

I have a brain tumor that is inoperable and causes me chronic pain and seizures. My soon to be ex husband cheated on me multiple times, mooched off of me when I shouldn't have even been working, and never put any effort or care into our relationship. I can't even get up most days from the pain and I feel extremely depressed knowing he never really gave a crap about me when I sacrificed so much for him. I've been struggling with thoughts of suicide and I've called the national suicide hotline multiple times since I left. My first therapy appointment is on Tuesday but I feel like I need in depth help asap. What should I do?

Re: Feeling hopeless and suicidal

Hi Ashley
I am heartbroken to hear what you are going through and so sorry. I know this is a personal question but do you have religious beliefs? I do believe prayer helps and I will pray for you. Please hang on and know you will be seeing a therapist soon. Call the hotline as often as you have to. That’s what they are there for. Make sure you keep reaching out on this forum too as we are here for you.

Re: Feeling hopeless and suicidal

Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. I'm not religious though I have been considering doing some spiritual searching. I hope that my new therapist will do some good though it is hard to feel like you can't do anything to help yourself at the moment. I am also working on gaining some self respect as I'm now realizing that the whole relationship was founded on me not thinking that I deserved better. I'll just have to wait until Tuesday but speaking to people I can relate to helps a lot.

Re: Feeling hopeless and suicidal

You’re welcome. Any type of spirituality can help. It’s amazing how much a therapist you have a good relationship with can help. I’ve been going to mine for about two months and feel much better and stronger. They are so good at giving us ideas we never thought of and helping us see things in a way we never thought. I know how you feel about not feeling worthy. I have the same problem but you are worthy! It is he who is unworthy of you! Sending love and positive thoughts.

Re: Feeling hopeless and suicidal

Hi Ashley
I wanted to check on you and see how your session went yesterday. Hoping it went well.

Re: Feeling hopeless and suicidal

Hi Ashley,

I am sorry that life dealt you a ****ty hand. ****tier then most. This guy is a horrible scum bag, I truly hope that someday karma comes for him.
For some dumb reason we all grow up thinking that "love is all you need" when in fact it all seems like a big unattainable lie. We sacrifice so much of ourself in hopes of finding love just when it punches you in the face.
Just know that it's not you, it never was. You did everything right and I wish he was the person that you thought he was. I hope you have some friends to rely on for support and if not, know/ feel that deep down it was never your fault. You gave purely, honestly and openly, you loved. It wasn't recriporicated, but that's on him it's not a reflection of you ever. He sucks, he is horrible and I hate him.
Most days I just want someone to say those things about my ex who is mentally torturing me and the kids, but it never comes....
But today I want you to know that we see him for the **** bag that he is and the queen that you are. Don't let some looser ******* take you down. Take some a teeny bit of joy in any little thing that you can today and know there is another woman out there that wants you to know that she cares and supports you. XO stay strong. DOn't let the *******s get you down.