Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
I worry about the future too. But i did this exercise of worst case version of my life if i moved ahead with the divorce and best case version of my life if i stayed on and i realised i still wanted to pick divorce. It made all those thoughts of worry for the future less significant. I hope you find peace eventually.
Hi, The behaviours you’ve described by him are very controlling. No one should have to live life as if they’re walking on eggshells/live in fear he may physically harm you. He has already emotionally harmed you over time, which does constitute abuse.
Can you link in with a trauma-informed counsellor to support you on your recovery journey? Maybe also google ‘The Cycle of Violence model,’ as it sounds as if he’s trying to woo you back, but believe me, this will be about him feeling he’s lost ‘power’ over you and the situation, he’ll be trying to get back again. If/when he’s regained that power by you giving in and returning to him, then he’ll have ‘won.’ The cycle will start all over again and you’ll feel even more confused and disempowered to leave him.
Stay away. Seek counselling so you’re not tempted to go back to his toxic, controlling ways. You deserve a better life-potentially with a new partner (if/when ready), who treats you as an equal, respects and celebrates your individuality, who communicates openly and respectfully with you. Well done for leaving. It can take a lot of guts.you deserve SO much better than the ****ty way he’s been treating you ❤️
Yes, it’s easy to be wary and to doubt that an equal, fair, honest and trustworthy partner is ‘out there’ when we’ve been through so much trauma (and there are some horrible people out there for sure), BUT there are also some decent guys around. The trick is to find one! We only need one good guy, but sometimes (as one of my friends said to me), we have to kiss a few ‘frogs’ before we find him!
*sigh* I am at work, trying not to cry b/c I ID with you so much right now. Last night, it was the last straw. I told my husband finally that one more outburst and I was divorcing him. The same thing happens to me - I'm told that he wants to know how I feel, wants me to talk to him, but when I do, I have to pick and choose words otherwise I'm "dumb" "wrong" or "blaming everything on him" because I "am so perfect" and "can never do anything wrong". My heart literally drops when I think I need to have a real conversation with him b/c they always end in a fight with him screaming at me that I'm just trying to win and acting like a teenager. I try to quietly speak to him in a rational manner and just get talked over, never getting a word in. My daughter and I walk on eggshells [exact words I told him last might] to try to make things go smoothly for him and not to upset him. He tells me that we are the ones that made it that way, that he never says anything. One little word or if he thinks someone has a tone, then we are against him and trying to be mean to him. It's ridiculous. I am so proud of you for moving out! I can't at this point. He got fired, decided he didn't want to go back to work since I took off four years to raise our daughter. So I am paying for everything at this point with my crappy income. Stay strong! I'm 20 years in on the 17th of this month, so count your starts you didn't waste as much time as I did. Sorry to rant on and on. I just identified with you so much and just found this website today. Good luck with your journey.
Hugs AKM 🤗