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Considering Divorce

Hi so this is kind of a long story not gonna give all the details but give you enough to give me some advice.. So last month my husband confessed to me that he have been paying to speak to women online for about the last year and a 1/2 to 2 years. We have been together a total of 8 years we've been married for the last 4 years and we have it almost one year old son together.
After he revealed what he had been doing doing I had a feeling to check his old phone because he had just gotten a new iPhone recently and switched from an android to an iPhone which was very weird so I had a feeling to check his new phone which is where I found cash app purchases for the is for videos and pictures of females.
I want to give some contacts to this as well so I wanna say that it has been extremely difficult since the day I brought my son home from the hospital my husband actually yelled at me the day I came home from the hospital with my son and his problem yelled at me at least twice or more times a week since my son's been in this world he has also refused to do work around the house bath our son And etc..
I literally spent an entire month begging him not to speak to this one female who he had been speaking to for the past 7 months who had been paying to speak to her and I and I had just told him no and he continued to talk to her even when he stopped Within the next week he let me know that he was talking to her again again on Instagram supposedly but it actually wasn't it was the app that he was paying for. At this time I had decided that I had enough and I told him that I was filing for divorce. That night I had made a decision to engaging some behavior ( if you catch my drift 😉) Because I was just so done with him and I felt very at peace and free as soon as I told him that I was going to file. Long atory short I told him everything and decided to do some more counseling before offically filing. About a week or 2 after he initially told me we had one meeting with our old pastor which I thought ended pretty well but he ended up yelling at me the whole hour and a 1/2 drive home and defending defending this female saying that she is nice and that she's not what we think and she's a good friend of his and he just needs a friend and he needs somebody to talk to. Long story short although I'm back at home and I chose to do some counseling and I'm trying to find a marriage counselor for a counselor for us I can't shake this feeling of feeling unsafe mentally and emotionallyAnd ultimately still the thinking and maybe even knowing that hes not what I want. I keep thinking to myself how can I be with someone who lie to me for almost 2 years who kept this big of a secret from me from me for almost 2 years and is now thousands of dollars in credit card debt because of this decision.
Any words of wisdom help thank you!

Re: Considering Divorce

I would highly encourage you to do the counseling. Men and women will go seek attention from somebody else if they are not getting it in the current relationship. A long discussion needs to take place about the child and if the man even wanted one and his relationship with HIS FATHER in how he was raised.

Divorce for you ends up putting you back on the single mother market with a child which studies have shown is a VERY rough place to be. Having a child greatly decreases the possibility of another man being interested because of the relational stress that goes with dealing with who disciplines the child. This is a battle because as mother you will be in MAMA BEAR mode and always side with the child of any NEW man married or not.

Statistically divorces are filed by 70-75% ration by the women. I am not blaming its just the reality of the life we live. I know ( I am a man btw) that some of the ALMOST divorce causing issues with my wife and I were solved by some great counseling by a dear friend and pastor of mine.

Again do the counseling and forget the blame game. Give a man a chance to change and speak his mind.
God bless

Re: Considering Divorce

First of all, stats pls??? Wikipedia probably
Do you have any peer editing experience or proof of credentials possibly a link to your stats

An abusive man will only support abuse men because they can relate and understand

But if you're a healthy minded man you will not be able to put yourself in an abusive mans shoes

Here is a fact : i can provide websites legally and govt sited for how much support for single parents tons of support
All child related needs provided
Child care
Child activities whether school or afterschool programs paid for
Medical converage
And parenting after divorce classes

Again we have to remember keith is a man

Re: Considering Divorce

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
It does not sound like a healthy or safe situation for you or your child.

I can tell you from experience that verbal and emotional abuse doesn't just get better. It will only get worse for you. Better to leave now than wait and wait.

I waited and I have guilt about the environment that I raised my children in. they have little experience of what a healthy marriage should look like.

Better to live in peace alone than continue to suffer his abuse.

Good luck!

Re: Considering Divorce

Hi Kelly,
Thank you for the support! Please let mw know if you have any resources that provide support. Financially I'm great so thats not needed 😊