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Lost and alone

I married a man shortly after divorcing my first husband. He was kind and supportive and fun. That quickly changed and his lying nature became apparent soon after we were married. I discovered he was smoking marijuana and adamantly denied this when I asked (he knew I wasn’t comfortable with this). We had a beautiful daughter after marrying and I found out that the first 9 months of her life he was sending explicit emails to an ex girlfriend. The next lie was about money and he invested 40k in some digital trading coin that is worth nothing now. I still stayed… but lately he has gotten mean. All he wants to do is talk about his work - we are both busy professionals- and if I don’t dote on him he makes me cry. He rages at me in the mornings when he is stressed out for no reason and makes me sob out of nowhere. He has our income from our rentals set up to come to him but I have to pay all of the mortgages and bills and although he says he will help he never follows through and if he ever sends me a small amount of money he is so mean to me that it isn’t even worth asking for financial help. I am done. I would rather be single than live with someone who is ok with making my life miserable for no reason on any whim. I have been on the brink of divorce for months but he always pulls me back in by being briefly nice to me. Tonight was a last straw. I spent all day cleaning and gathering things we needed for our air bnb and when he came home he was disconnected and on his phone all evening. I had to talk to my boys’ dad when he came to pick them up and my husband went outside and then sat on his phone ignoring me. I was hurt but it never goes well when I say something when I am hurt so I ignored it and put my headphones in to listen to an audiobook. He yelled at me for talking to my ex husband too long and not paying attention to him until I cried. I know I can’t go on like this but I just want to know that it’s going to be ok if I divorce again. I know I don’t deserve this. I am just looking for hope and some kind words from anyone willing to listen

Re: Lost and alone


I am honestly so sorry to hear about your predicament. From what you have told us here, it seems like your husband found you in a vulnerable situation after your first divorce, systematically targetted you, and now enjoys abusing you. Abusers and pathological liars never change. They thrive on conflict and drama. It is their way of getting attention and feeling good about themselves. In case he is a neglecting parent to his daughter and step-sons, continues to project his insecurities onto you, and abuses you verbally and financially, my sincere advice will be to leave this marriage and find a safe space for yourself and your children.
Hope this helps. Take care.

Re: Lost and alone

Incredibly sorry to read about the suffering you are going through. As a man I was always taught to treat women with respect and uplift them. It sounds like he caught you on the rebound from your first divorce which means there probably was some healing on your part that still needed to take place.
Now you have a daughter with Him and found out he was being manipulative and lying which he would have been doing far before he met you.
I never tell people to get divorced as the damage it causes is pretty significant. You have done it once and may say hey whats two times but the damage to your MINDSET about men and self esteem will be that you cannot find a good man. All relationships that break up are broken from both ends as in something in his mind about you does not work and vice versa. IF he is open to it find a good ( I say Christian) counselor where everything can be said OUT LOUD with no interruptions by either party ( I have done this trust me it works) and then they person listening can unbiased point out where things need help.

God loves both you and your husband and you have formed a covenant in his eyes. Seek him and pray for advice and peace. Marriage is a hard road and sometimes your spouse anger comes out at you but the truth is its really anger at themselves or something somebody else did or said. Remember you always hurt the one the most that you love the most because we don't put up defense with those we love so it all comes through.

God Bless

Re: Lost and alone

No, no, no Keith! She is being emotionally and verbally AND financially being abused. She’s is brought to tears frequently by his verbal attacks, neglect and dishonesty. And yet, you want her to stay in the marriage? **** that! She deserves better than pandering to a controlling, narcissistic ****wit…

Re: Lost and alone

Typical male advice ,sorry but from what i read sticking up for abusive MAN on this sight when serious concerns are exspressed text book abuse

Did she say it was a 1 time occurrence keith? Did i miss that ? Because that is forgivable not what your saying