So here is my story. I've been married for almost 9 years. And we have not grown together as a couple at all. If anything we have grown apart. We have children together so me wanting to divorce my husband wasn't an easy decision. We have had our problems from intimacy, him not being attracted to me due to my size, finances, control issues, neglect from him, the list goes on. He has a tendency to try to work on things, but then gets complacent and goes back to old habits. We have pretty much stayed in the first year of marriage for 9 years. I stayed one because of our children we have together and hoping things would get better. But they haven't and I'm mentally and emotionally done. Not mad or sad. Just done. The sad thing is, I was done with him last year. But again, I stayed because I hoped my love would return for him and hoped that things would get better. My daughter adores him and I know she will be heartbroken when this happens. Right now we are just separated. But he doesn't want to get a divorce. He wants us to be separated for a while and then date. But the more I am enjoying my freedom, I don't want to go back to him.
Here is the other part to my story. I have a child with someone else. My ex was not in the picture the entire time our child was growing up. But I take some blame in that because when he was asking to see him, I looked over that part in our emails to each other because of my hurt and bitterness. It wasn't until a few weeks ago I re-read our emails and saw that in a few.
But back in July, he sent me a message telling me how much he wants to meet our child. I talked to our child..who is in his late teens now and he is wanting to meet his father. He has also apologized for putting me through hell when we were together. He had a problem with drinking, cheating, and driving while drunk (never with me in the car). We loved each other tremendously and had a deep connection with each other. But he was also young and dumb back then (his words). We haven't been together in 17 years and he has grown up quite a bit.
So, for a few weeks, I closed myself off to my ex and my husband because I needed to take a good look at how I was truly feeling. I needed to make sure that my feelings for my ex weren't because I have felt lonely with my husband. But they definitely aren't. I loved with my ex with my whole heart. When we talk, it's as if we haven't lost any time of being apart. We talk about everything and I mean everything. There's no walls between us like there is with my husband and me.
So I wrote all of this to ask, how do I go about ending my marriage? To tell my husband that I am still madly in love with my ex would devastate him. And I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have. But I know that if I stay married any longer, I will end up hurting him by cheating on him. And I definitely don't want to do that.
Your ex has asked to meet up with his child.
He hasn’t said he still has feelings for YOU? You seem to be making a huge assumption that he’ll want to get into a relationship with you again…