I’ve been married for 7 years. I’m a relationship for 15 years. Living with my husband is exhausting. Nothing is never good enough. Every second we’re together he just picks fights with me. He calls me names and swears at me all the time. He complains we never go on any dates. I don’t like to go on dates with him though because being stuck in the car with him he horrible. He basically tells me everything that is wrong with me the whole time. When we go on family trips he just yells at me and the kids the whole time in the car. When we are out in public or with his family he acts totally different like a normal person. If I don’t do exactly what he wants to disagree with him he breaks my stuff or threaten me to pour lighter fluid on it and burn it. He’s actually opened lighter fluid and was going to pour it on my irreplaceable things. I’ve had to beg him multiple times not to do it. He’s dumped trash all over the house a couple times just to see me clean it up. Laughing the whole time saying you make my life hard so I’ll make yours even harder. I recently got a storage unit and am slowly putting my stuff in it. I even had to put my dads ashes in there because I don’t feel like there safe here. I’m afraid when he realizes my important stuff is gone he’s going to flip out on me. When my dad passed away he didn’t have any compassion towards me at all. When I brought up the subject he just started talking about his moms death that happened awhile back. The way up to my dads funeral my moms car broke down and I offered to pick her up to drive with us up there. The whole 8 hour drive my husband yelled at my mom the whole time about not having a reliable car. Then the whole weekend he did the silent treatment towards her. It was embarrassing. The way back down my mom got a ride with me sister instead. The 8 hour drive back home he told me how I was a weak person and called me every name in the book. I packed the kids snacks for the trip. Our daughter asked to have another snack and my husband flipped out on her calling her fat. She’s 6 years old. If he doesn’t have his whiskey he will flip out and all hell will come. The list goes on and on. I work part time and take care of 4 kids and cleaning. He never helps with the kids or cleaning because he works full time. After he is done with work he says he has no more responsibility and does whatever he wants. When I go to work my oldest child has to take care of his 3 siblings. My husband’s new thing he is getting mad about he he wants me to take over full time and he wants to save all his money for himself. But I don’t know how I would bring in so much money for the bills by myself. I come up with ideas on how I can do it. He always tells me my ideas are idiotic. My oldest son says dad just yells at all of us when your not home. We don’t celebrate my birthday or Mother’s Day because he says everyday is Mother’s Day or my birthday for me because I work only part time. But if I don’t make big plans and buy him a bunch of stuff for Father’s Day or his birthday I’ll never hear the end of it. He has broken my phone multiple times, cut my credit cards. Broken my prescription glasses as punishment. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to leave though because I don’t want him to have the kids by himself. So I’m stuck. He gets into my oldest sons face all the time about stupid stuff. He gets into my face all the time. He’s spit on my multiple times. He is crazy says I’m putting things into his food and then spends a bunch of $ going out to eat for himself. I’ve never done anything to his food. So the kids and I eat what I make and he goes out to eat. He accuses me of flirting with men all the time when I don’t even talk to anyone. One time he was holding my up against the wall and putting his face into mine yelling at me. My oldest son told him to stop. My husband got mad that my son said something to him. Then he pushed my son against the wall dooms it to him instead and my oldest son has a accident during the situation. My son ran up to his room while he’s dad was making fun on him for peeing in his pants. I told my son later that I appreciated him sticking up for me but not to do it again please. He tells me all the time he’ll burn down the house with me and the kids are sleeping in it then his problems will go away. When the little ones will talk back to him he’ll break there belongings or tell them he’s going to leave because of them and that he can easily replace them with new kids. Make them cry. I’m too afraid to leave because I don’t want him to have the kids alone. We’re potty training the little one and it’s always a problem for my husband to take him to the bathroom. He says he doesn’t like doing anything on someone else’s time. I don’t know what to do.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation.

My first thoughts are you need to consult with an attorney. Start documenting everything, record him if you can. If he physically assaults you, call the police.

You are going to have to leave him at some point, but you need to get prepared to protect yourself and your kids.

Good luck!
Kelly

So sorry! Sounds like a narcissistic jerk. I would document everything and find a pro-bono attorney. Ask Facebook mum groups for resources. Is his control cultural? Do you have elders in the community that can talk to him? He needs therapy asap or eventually, he will physically assault you. He won't get the kids if he is that angry and abusive. Talk to a family law attorney and see what they suggest.

This sounds like a very difficult situation. It seems as though your husband is verbally/emotionally abusing everyone in the household which could warrant a call to children and youth (or whatever your local child protective service is called). You are in a position to protect your children, however there clearly are concerns about leaving given his volatile temper and aggressive outbursts. Do you know of any women's shelters in the area? They can be an excellent resource for women in this type of situation.

I think the fact that you are considering if you leave the children will be left with your husband alone is a valid concern and one that likely keeps many women in relationships that are not good. Yours appears to be somewhat of an extreme situation in that there is clearly abuse occurring and you are one of the victims. I honestly would suggest starting with a women's shelter and looking for an attorney who can handle a case like this. The shelter may even have resources for exactly this situation.

I wish you the best of luck - stay safe.