Thank you for response. As an odjective person you've confirmed everything i have been feeling lately. My heart is no longer what it needs to be to stay in this marriage because he's crushed it. Now I'm looking for an exit plan that will allow me to truly heal but not crush our kids.
And you're correct...I got counseling and was in a really good place which he agreed he could see. I recommended he do the same so he could come to terms with his true self. By his second appointment he asked that I come in and it turned into marriage counseling that went into how we were raised and never was finished. A few years ago after his latest forced confession he told me he was going to counseling but I think he stopped after 2 sessions because his counselor kept pressing him to give me what I'm asking for which was the truth. This was the time he confessed that he was selfish and wanted his cake. He then began to lie about going to sessions but later admitted that he'd only went to a few.
He claims that he wants me to have a career and that he loves working women because he comes from a family of strong independent women(but not if it interferes with his career or goals).
Once I went on an interview and got the job...he told me it probably was because my cleavage was showing. He said this jokingly but it was offensive and a deterrent. The next time I got a job, I asked that he help put our kids on the bus so I wouldn't be late to my new job and he said his superiors wouldn't understand and that the kids were old enough to leave the house and get themselves on the bus...they were 7 and 8. I did not feel comfortable with that and would be panicking wondering if they got on the bus. I eventually quit and got a job at the local walmart that was closer and allowed me to be a mom while working which he wasn't happy about the type of work and set up a job interview at a place he deemed better.
And you've hit the nail on the head...even my family loves him because I believe in protecting and honoring marriage. I don't want people to talk badly about him but I believe this is exactly the opposite of what he does in his family. I'm tired. We currently live in different states because he had to go to a new duty station but I'm letting my older kids finish highschool. I can see familiar behavior again because he thinks he can really get away with it this time.
I am seeking every resource available to me without him knowing, because I know I've given everything I could give....even things he didn't deserve. Thank you again for letting me release and giving me a clearer perspective.