I feel bad even typing this because I have a good man. He doesn’t hit me or cheat or lie, doesn’t drink or do drugs, and he works. The problem is over the last 10 years we’ve just grown apart. We have two young kids and that’s why I’m trying to just deal with it. But the fact is we are picking and fighting with each other more and I feel like he doesn’t listen to what I have to say. He works a lot which is fine, but on his days off he will do anything to be out of the house, whether it’s yard work, or cleaning his outbuilding, or fixing something that needs fixed. Which again is fine, but the man literally does NOTHING else. I have to schedule things and tell him no he can’t work so he will do things with us. On family vacations he is always ready to go back home to work because he hates water and amusement parks, which is basically what vacations are lol. It’s like he never enjoys anything unless he’s working on something. He hates movies and going to shop, and he’d rather go through a drive thru than sit down to eat. When we first got together he’d do those things with me but now that we have been together so long it’s like he doesn’t even care to try. We haven’t gone fishing but a couple times in a few years which is something I love, and I can’t even relax enough to read a book because I’m always feeling like I have to do something. And talking to him gets me absolutely nowhere. He basically said one time that “that’s just how he was”.
I became a stay at home mom a year ago because daycare was taking most of my paycheck and my baby was staying sick. I had worked since I was 16 and I have never not had a job until now. I worked full time while I was pregnant with my oldest because he was laid off. Now we’re making more money than ever before and I’m taking online classes to better myself and I feel like he resents me because I don’t technically work anymore. We’re supposed to go out tomorrow to get a few things for a friend, and I was hoping we could spend the day together before my oldest gets home from school. He tells his friend that we will be back by 12 which equals us driving straight there, going to the one store, and coming home. It made me mad because I’m like what’s the hurry? I’d like to get out of the house a little. And he said “well I do get out of the house” meaning he works, and I’m like I can’t help it right now. I’m trying to do my best with the circumstance that I’m in but I can’t help but feel like he just thinks less of me for not working. I’m looking forward to the day I graduate in a couple of years because that might just be my ticket out if things don’t change.
Hmmmm. Seems like he’s ‘punishing’ you for not working? Communication is a two-way process. If you’re explaining your feelings but he’s not meeting you and your needs part-way, that Is a red flag that the relationship is in trouble. It’s good that you’re studying and will graduate in a cou pool e of years. I’d try to keep that going if you can (re: career independence). You sound like ships passing in the night. It sounds as if he’s avoiding you.
If you think he’d consider relationship counselling, that might be an idea. Or…a friendly family member to subtly let him know that your upset with him not romancing you/spending time with you.
Other than that, it may be a tough 2 years to ride out until you have graduated until you end the relationship, OR if you can financially afford it, start planning to leave now, if that’s what you want. Co-existing with a partner is not a full, equal, rewarding relationship. Where’s the passion? Where’s the companionship? …