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Wanting to divorce because of religious beliefs

My husband is Pentecostal and I did k on this before marrying him but I did not realise how extremem I would find the denomination and how tightly tied to politics they are.
I started going to the church with him when we were first married and it was okay at first but over the years, my mental health has been suffering from it. I was too scared to speak up at first. Finally, last year I did speak up and told him I know longer want to go there. I’m so tired and sick of the right wing politics that I feel I am forced to believe, or forced to listen too, as part of being in this church.
My husband gets mad at me when I post anything liberal on social media or when I express a difference of opinion. He literally gets mad and looses his temper shouting and shaking.
When I first told him I no longer wanted to go to the church, he agreed, and said we would only go once a month (I told him he could go every week I just am only prepared to go with him once a month). I can tell he hasn’t been happy with this arrangement but he has been going a long with it, until recently. Now it is no longer a discussion on when we will go, he just decided and it has been creeping back up to twice a month. I can feel myself slipping and not sticking up for myself again and putting my foot down.
I just hate that being married to him and being part of the church means I no longer have a voice or a say in how I lead my life with my political or non religious beliefs. I am not allowed to express any kind of liberal beliefs without being told off by him and him getting mad at me

Re: Wanting to divorce because of religious beliefs

You still have a voice and the right to freely express your opinions, but he is trying to silence them. You are your own individual person. If he wants to follow a certain religion and way of life, then that his choice. You in the other hand should be free to choose what has meaning for you. If right wing, bordering on extremist (potentially) views make you uncomfortable (as it would many people), you absolutely have the right to refuse to buy into it/go along with it.

He seems to be prioritising his religion, values and outlook on life over you and your outlook/values. Don’t buy into it if you don’t want to. Right wind religious organisations can present as watered down kind of cults sometimes. There’s indoctrination, guilting people, enmeshing people into a community where they get little ‘say’ I’m not taking part, or are swamped by attention and commitments (sharing meals, sharing tasks etc).

At the end of the day, the fact he is creeping the church attendance back up again, indicates you may soon be pulled back to how it was previously. But …”my mental health has been suffering from it” and “I was too scared to speak up” - indicates to me that you’re being pressured into taking part in something that does not align with your values and goals in life and what makes you happy. Saying ‘no’ to taking part in HIS religion, does not make you a bad person. It makes you independent and enlightened in a different way. Ie you are putting boundaries in place to protect your mental well-being. There’s no obligation to follow him into the depths of his religion. People can still be ‘spiritual’ without all the church-going commitment. ‘Spiritual’ can even mean things such as admiring nature and sitting quietly and meditating.

He gets mad at you when you post something liberal on social media. Freedom of expression is expressed in the UN Convention on human rights. He’s trying to gag you and intimidate you into not being who you are naturally and not expressing yourself freely from any incumberances. He has no right to tell you what you can and cannot do. This is the 21st Century!

His dogma is threatening your positive karma.

Either leave him and free yourself of his tyranny or prepare for a battle of wills, as I can’t see him changing. In fact, he’s more likely to get some of his church cronies to try to convince you (through charm or guilting you), into attending more frequently as a ‘good, supportive wife.’ But don’t fall into that crap trap! Your needs, your opinion, your views are equally as valid and important. Don’t lose yourself in someone else’s life. Your life is YOURS to decide what you want to do with it. Not his ❤️

Re: Wanting to divorce because of religious beliefs

Debra - thank you so much for your response. Just seeing this all written down gives me strength. I’ve been dealing with a lot of guilt for not being able to be a “good” and “submissive” wife and trying to break away. I can see that it causes him pain, but it also causes me pain to keep pretending and to keep listening to it all.
The past Sunday i had to listen to the pastor saying how if your spouse is not spiritually aligned with you then they are disrespecting you and will always disrespect you. Father’s Day weekend I had to listen to the pastor preach to the men of the church on how they need to take back control of their households and it should be the man of the households making the spiritual decisions and decide where the family goes to church and then men should be making the financial decisions and if you are letting your wives do that then you need to take back control of your household. Honestly just makes me sick.
If he wants to go to that church if that’s what he feels is right for him spiritually and mentally, then I can’t stop him, but I can’t stay married to someone who forces me too. He has expressed a willingness to visit some different churches but I know religion is just not for me and I’m scared to tell him. I just can’t do it myself. I want to spend my free time doing some volunteer work in the community.
You have such a good way with words and said things so perfectly, it’s the exact way I’ve been wanting to say things to him but it comes out as a jumbled mess.