Debra - thank you so much for your response. Just seeing this all written down gives me strength. I’ve been dealing with a lot of guilt for not being able to be a “good” and “submissive” wife and trying to break away. I can see that it causes him pain, but it also causes me pain to keep pretending and to keep listening to it all.
The past Sunday i had to listen to the pastor saying how if your spouse is not spiritually aligned with you then they are disrespecting you and will always disrespect you. Father’s Day weekend I had to listen to the pastor preach to the men of the church on how they need to take back control of their households and it should be the man of the households making the spiritual decisions and decide where the family goes to church and then men should be making the financial decisions and if you are letting your wives do that then you need to take back control of your household. Honestly just makes me sick.
If he wants to go to that church if that’s what he feels is right for him spiritually and mentally, then I can’t stop him, but I can’t stay married to someone who forces me too. He has expressed a willingness to visit some different churches but I know religion is just not for me and I’m scared to tell him. I just can’t do it myself. I want to spend my free time doing some volunteer work in the community.
You have such a good way with words and said things so perfectly, it’s the exact way I’ve been wanting to say things to him but it comes out as a jumbled mess.