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When therapy doesn't work

What do you do when therapy does not work. He goes to therapy with me. She tells him the same things I've been telling him but he somehow can understand her but not me.

The therapist says that perhaps she is more skilled. Well that may be true. But he never understands when I say the same things where she only has to say it once.

For example, he blamed me for not being able to hear him. I kept have to ask him to repeat what he said. For every single thing he said. All day. Every day. He mumbles, he doesn't ennunciate. He faces the opposite direction when talking to me. He talks to me from another room. He said I was blaming him and that I should not say that he wasn't talking loud enough but rather that I could not hear him. "I was accusing him" he said he thought that was the problem, not that he did not try to actually communicate. He i that insisted that I was hard of hearing. I got my hearing tested. Guess what? I have no hearing loss. He said I had an anger problem, because all I needed to do was ask him and he would do it. He does not even realize how passive/aggressive his behavior is. Or does he actually not remember me asking and asking and asking him to speak up?

I said he has a problem projecting his voice. He denied it. I asked him to see a doctor. He said no. The therapist told him to get tested. Guess what? He listened to her and got tested. It turns out that he has a problem with his vocal cords that can be fixed with exercises and medication. It took more than 20 years of aggreviation from me with no result and one time for the therapist telling him for him to do something about.

This went on for 20 years. He never apologized for gaslighting me for so long. I am so angry. I don't care if I ever hear what he says again. I feel so gaslighted by him.

Re: When therapy doesn't work

It sounds as if the therapy IS working! As it’s helping you to unpack what a gas-lighting man he is! He’s deflecting his issues on to you. Not taking responsibility for his behaviours/actions.

Are you separated/divorced now?