I am having trouble initiating the conversation concerning divorce. I think the familiarity of our marriage is the strongest reason why this is the case. A little background into the situation..My husband and I have been married for 14 years and dated for 5 years. About 10 years ago, he had an affair. He admitted to it and somehow we worked through it. However, I suppose I have never fully trusted him and unfortunately continue to see more evidence as to why I probably shouldn't trust him.
Over the years, he has made a habit of text/messaging other women with very inappropriate messages (some women have even screenshot and sent me the messages which of course has turned on my radar to check his texts and messenger messages.) From most of these cases, it appears he is the only one making the inappropriate comments. I have told him that it hurts my feelings when he does this and that I can't continue if he continues doing this. For the most part, he will stop for a few weeks, but the it always happens again.
This past week, I found out he had been messaging a woman on messenger and she was messaging inappropriate things back. They arranged for a time and address to meet up for the following day. He works quite a ways away from our home and she lives in the town he works. Anyways, I told him not to come home after he met up with her the following day. He insisted that he thought "she" was a scammer and he continued the conversation and meeting time to try to catch her or whoever was doing the scamming. He says he never intended to go to the address. I know he didn't meet her, but I don't trust that he wouldn't have gone to the address had I not seen the message beforehand. (or he won't meet the next woman that decides she likes his advances through messaging).
Every time I talk to him about the issue, he convinces me he loves me and that he wouldn't do that again. Although I love him, I know he will not change and I cannot go on this way. Right now and because of literally years of dealing with this, my self worth has pretty much hit rock bottom. I need some words/advice to help me stay strong and not back down that it's time to move on.
In this case, would it be better to start with a divorce attorney, and then re-initiate the conversation after I have at least found and hired a divorce attorney? Is that how most people initiate a divorce. We have kids too and I don't want this to be traumatic or overly argumentative. I want us to peacefully find some way to move forward in separating without them losing respect for him.
Yes-I’d be seeking legal advice about divorce, but also about my rights re: Assets (house/vehicles/pensions/savings accounts etc etc)
He sounds SO disrespectful towards you and NOT how a spouse should be acting. He sounds like a serial cheater. I’d also go get a check for STDs too-in case he may have given you an infection.
Time to ‘play a game’ of your own now…One of empowerment and healing. Don’t give him a heads-up that your seeing a lawyer. Instead, quietly start gathering as much financial documentation together as you can. As soon as he realises your about to take action, he may empty out any joint bank accounts, start lock in my you out of access to info etc-so gather evidence of bank balances, income/salary payslips etc. Act smart :) Also, have a think about your future financial needs also.
He sounds like a complete douchebag. He’s never going to change is he? This has been going on for years-even early on in your relationship. The longer he does this, the more **** he’s taking out of you :(. Leave the ******* and start over from a more stable base. You deserve SO much better than him and his cheating, lying, slimy ways ❤️