I’ve posted on here before, still going round in circles. I have been wanting to divorce my husband for around a year now. We have a lot of differences politically, religiously, socially. He has told me he will stop being so extreme in his words and actions with politics, and that he will respect my difference of opinion. He has said we can find a new church that is not Pentecostal and is non denominational so I can find friends who share more of my more liberal leaning beliefs. He has said he will no longer make homophobic comments or fat shaming comments and has promised me he has a true love for people and is nice to everyone he works with regardless of their weight or sexual preference, even though his words have shown a different side at home. He has thrown away most of his steroids and is only going to take the prescribed dose of testosterone and not the excessive amount he had been taking.
He wants us to go to couples counseling.
Im having to hard time re connecting with him and forgiving and forgetting. Im not sure I want to make it work. I feel like I have already grieved the relationship and made my decision but he does not want us to give up. Who else has been to couples counseling and did it help ? Were you able to re connect ? I feel so bad that I don’t want to make it work as much as he does. Should I forgive all these awful things he has said ? And forgive the testosterone abuse which made him Infertile ?
I understand. My ex- was pretty awful during our marriage. After the divorce he has finally gone for therapy, is on appropriate medication, has apologized and is trying to "make it up to me" and "wants to reconnect and get back together."
We did go to counseling together and I went on my own. It did help me quite a bit, so I would recommend it.
I have forgiven my ex- although it is hard to "forget" I try not to dwell on the past and move forward.
I do not want to get back together with him. Like you, I separated myself emotionally from him long ago, mourned the relationship and mentally move on long before I filed for divorce. I do not choose to go back to that relationship, but we are able to be friends and parent our children together.
You can forgive him and work on maintaining a positive relationship, that doesn't mean you have to stay in the marriage. You can make that choice for yourself.
Thank you Kelly. I’ve been in counseling for myself for almost a year now but couples counseling we have not tried yet, so I’m willing to give it a go.
I did over hear him talking to a friend of his at the weekend. Telling his friend that I am emotionally manipulating him. This definitely hurt to hear, I’m not trying to do that and I don’t feel like finally standing up for myself or my beliefs is emotional manipulation but I guess we will see what comes of the couples counseling. Ive Never threatened him with divorce to get what I want, I just don’t think that he likes that I am holding some of the cards now and he is having to compromise more.
I’m glad you found your happiness are were able to leave. I fear I will never be that brave to walk away from it.
Thanks.
Stay strong, don't waver from your choices or opinions because he is manipulating YOU. Of course he doesn't like it when you stand up to him or disagree with him.
I remember saying to my ex- repeatedly, that "just because I disagree with you, doesn't mean I'M wrong." Do what is right for you. You are not responsible for his feelings or reactions.