I’ve been with my husband for 18 years but we’ve only been married for 11. And most of those years have been bad. He became a very bad alcoholic, arrested twice for dui with the most recent one in late 2020. I should have left then but always chickened out. He’s been (alcohol) sober for almost 1 year now and I tried to convince myself that this can work. Marijuana is his new vice but it doesn’t affect him the way alcohol did. It actually makes him decent to be around. Our daughter (10yrs old) is actually happy being around her dad now, though they don’t have much of an affectionate relationship. She never hugs/kisses him. She saw a lot as a little girl that no child should have to see. I blame myself for that. I should have gotten out then. Throughout all this, he managed to keep his job thankfully because he is the main breadwinner in our household. I work & pay my share of the bills, my own personal bills and pretty much anything related to our daughter. He pays the mortgage and never ceases to remind me of it. Now that he’s gotten back on track, he’s all over me about my personal bills. I have cc debt that is overwhelming for me but to have him hovering over me constantly demanding that I pay it down has started giving me extreme anxiety. He has every right to ask me & I know I’m wrong for feeling this way but I don’t want to have to answer to him anymore. With everything that’s happened, my feelings for him have completely changed. But I’m terrified to tell him I want out. When it’s come up in arguments before, he’s always been real quick to tell me that I had better not even think to try and get money out of him. (He loves his money more than anything) & he tells me to get the F out of our house. I know it will get ugly and I’m just terrified to have to deal with it. But when I think about what life might be like after it’s over, I swear I feel like a weight is lifted off of me. I just want to get from point A to point B but the thought of everything I’ll have to deal with in between makes me hesitant. And I’m afraid of what he’ll demand when it comes to our daughter. She’s extremely attached to me, she makes me sleep with her every night. It makes me sad to have to take her away from our home which she loves & I’m terrified to lose her. I feel so overwhelmed
Listen, I was in a very similar situation. I’m not gonna tell you it’s easy but you need to get out. My soon to be ex was smoking marijuana. High potency, and he was relaxed but thought all of these terrible things about me that weren’t true. He got me arrested twice which charges were dropped.
I’m finding out now, that I can do it on my own. You can too.but I will tell you this. Be smart, take your daughter. Plan to have a job or a little money so you can support yourself. There are places out there that will help you. But you need to plan when the time is better, have somewhere to go (shelter) it seems scary but in the end it will be SO much better.
I left without my boys. He turned around and got temporary sole legal and physical custody of them..
So I’m getting three days visitation with them now. We won’t be seen again until February. But then a Pretrial date will be given.