I’m having a hard time trying to decide how much information I have to give my spouse on why I’m leaving. I feel like I could literally write a 700 page letter but he still won’t accept it acknowledge those reasons and will tell me I can’t leave.
I get told by friends all the time, I don’t owe him an explanation and I can simply leave and tell him I’m divorcing him and leave, that I don’t need his permission, end of story, but he obsessed over things and will go on and on not accepting. He never accepts anything out of his control.
At the same time I keep thinking I owe him an explanation and can’t just tell him I’m divorcing him and leave.
How much detail did you all go into with your spouse ?

My husband feels it's his responsibility to educate me and tell me all the ways I failed him. Has done it repeatedly in arguments. Save your breathe, I'm sure he knows. You don't need to tell someone how they failed you,they know.

I think it depends on the type of person you're breaking up with. If they are emotionally mature and can handle what you say to them then I think you should give an explanation. However, if someone is emotionally immature then sharing an explanation will possibly open it up to another endless fight that goes nowhere. Just remember you will never get them to agree with breaking up if it's not their idea.

I decided because my husband falls in the second category I'm going to keep it short and sweet. Something like, "I'm not happy and haven't been for a long time".

I understand why you want to write out all the wrongs that were done to you. We were deeply hurt and we want validation from the person who hurt us. However, I've learned that they will never be able to give us the validation that we crave and it's best to pull off the bandaid and walk away. You could also write it all out but don't send it. During those weak times when you're missing the ex, pull out the 800-page explanation and soon you'll remember why you left.

Thanks Amy. Yeah he definitely is not going to accept my decision and he is going to take it very hard. I do feel terrible for that. I don’t want to make him feel bad and tell him all the reasons I can no longer live with him but I need him to understand that my decision is final.
I hope everything turned out okay for you.

I was wondering if there ended up being an update to this?

When I asked for a separation I tried to tell him and he did not accept it. I still left and am going through therapy to help me process my thoughts and feelings

I learned the hard way that just because I’m kind and want to give him reasoning, it doesn’t mean he is mature enough to accept and process me leaving. Definitely sucked but now I know. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Hi Sariah, I am the original poster. I fell I to a deep depression going back and fourth on how to tell him and struggling with guilt for hurting him if I tell him.
I ended up on antidepressants and he was not able to handle my depression. He told me he couldn’t live like this and wanted to move on with his life. I took that as my opportunity to let him know that I agree and I want a divorce and I had already found a lawyer etc and just needed to file the paperwork. He was very cordial and agreed to the terms of the divorce, he did then back track, I think he was just going a long with it thinking I wouldnt actually go through with it. Calling my bluff so to speak.
Well here I am a little over a month later, I have moved out, we are officially divorced just waiting on the divorce decree from the courts.
I didn’t tell him every reason, I told him a few reasons and felt like that was enough. After hearing them he didn’t want to acknowledge or accept, instead just demanded an apology from me. I didn’t feel like I delivered my reasons in a hurtful way. I wasn’t shouting or aggressive or being nasty or calling him names. Simply stated what behaviours i could no longer put up with and those same behaviour have made me fall out of love.
Divorce is a weird thing. I felt very free and a weight off my shoulders for the first week. Now, a month later I’m going through the motions of regretting my decision and did we trielt need to divorce. Should I have been more receptive to couples counselling. Unfortunately I had already checked out of the marriage by the time we started the counselling and was not really invested. I just did it as a way to check mark the final thing of my list to say I tried and tried everything.
At this point I already feel in time I am going to regret my decision, I need to remind myself on the reasons for why I couldn’t live with him and why I was so unhappy. It’s funny how when you are finally away from all of it you forget the bad things and feel like oh maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.
Time will tell. I hope you made the right decision for you and find true happiness. Take care

I am in the feeling guilty phase and can relate to your post. I was trying to not be hurtful and list all of the reasons and tell him that it all adds up to me thinking he is a loser and I have no respect for him. He was not satisfied with my watered down reasons so I did have to go a little more harsh than I wanted to but still held back so much. I told him on January 25th and have the movers coming Feb. 4th to move him and my step sons into an apartment I leased for them. My guilt is going to cost me a fortune on top of the emotional toll. He can’t afford a 2 bedroom apartment so I will probably get stuck covering the rent for the year. After that he will be on his own. It’s not my fault that he has no ambition and has never saved any money despite living in my house for 6 years rent free, driving an SUV I paid for and paying less than a 1/4 of the utilities and groceries. Of course he is laying on the guilt that I am ruining his life and his kids lives and it’s getting to me. I understand you having doubts now that you are not living day to day with the reasons you left him but we have to remember we did not come to our decisions without very strong reasons. The rebuilding of a new life is scary and difficult and I not able to look much past next week at this point.