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Long and sad. 4 kids, brand new home, marriage over

We have 4 teen boys and today marks one year since moving into our dream home that we built together. Right after we moved, he started going out, having fun, living his best life which was fine until it wasn't. He stayed out later and later, came home drunker and drunker, missed practices, dinners, events, etc. Once I started getting upset about feeling like I was parenting alone and never getting time with him he started telling me I was a nagging, desperate, ****** He stopped helping in the house at all, threatens to stop paying the mortgage almost monthly, has become so disconnected from the boys, and is becoming increasingly angry and hateful. He threw me down to the ground for asking if there was an affair. Today dumped out my purse and knocked over furniture in our room and constantly calls me a "see you next Tuesday" and that I'm the worst wife ever. I've literally tried to accommodate and appease his permanent ****ty mood and make him happy and asked for counseling but none of that makes a difference. I've been dreading the reality that I can't stay but so sad that this is where we are. He doesn't want a divorce, he just wants me to learn my place and never expect anything from him for our family except a mortgage payment. Now I have a meeting with an attorney next week and I'm so sad and upset that I really have to do this. I hoped it was a phase he would get through but I'm worried real violence is next if we keep going this way. I'm worried sick about uprooting my kids from an amazing community after we finally have our own home. I considered if suicide was a better option so they could have good memories of their parents and not uproot their lives but I obviously can't do that to them or leave them with only him. I truly loved this man since I was 20 and now he can't stand me.

Re: Long and sad. 4 kids, brand new home, marriage over

Throwing you down to the ground is “real violence”. It must be so frustrating to finally have your dream home and your husband is behaving so badly. If you have suicidal thoughts again please call a crisis line.
Your children do need you.

Re: Long and sad. 4 kids, brand new home, marriage over

I wouldn’t stay if there were physical violence

My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive

It was living on top of a volcano , never knowing when he would erupt and scream like crazy over the least little thing

I waited until by children were preteens and teens yo get a divorce

I was afraid of his temper and afraid of him driving my children when he would pick them up for visitation

When I decided to get divorced I took money out of our joint account to handle expenses fir a year

It was still hard financially because I had been a stay at home Mom for 17 years and had to find a job

My psychologist helped me by just having someone to listen

He didn’t tell me what to do but just talking to him gave me insight

Do you have anyone you talk to?

If your boys are teenagers it wouldn’t be like leaving him when they were younger