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I left my husband of 20 years 2 weeks ago. Our story isn’t one of abuse or extreme fighting. It’s a different kind of toxic.
We started very young having kids, at 16 and have 3 adult children and one teen. Alcohol is a heavy part in the marriage and both of us are codependent.
I’ve left a few times through the years when I finally couldn’t take anymore bottling in my emotions and had to breathe and let him know we are broken. We did marriage counseling the last time I left and I learned to speak up. He did for a few months before things went back to their old pattern. Except I kept speaking up and he continued to bottle in emotions.
We had completely isolated ourselves from our friends and for me I lost touch with any hobbies, passions, and honestly started to give up on life. Not eating the best, no working out anymore, and finding reasons to stay in bed.
We use alcohol far too often daily and have lost sight of who we are and what we want. Don’t do anything really just sit and drink together and not even talk. Sometimes I initiate conversations but it’s exhausting being so one sided after many years. He is just so in his head.
Fast forward to present day and I found out about an emotional affair he had been having for a few years. That was my wake up on how broken we really were. I tried to recover on my own but my resentment and anger festered to the point where I finally knew it was time to go. He doesn’t accept this and is very angry about it.
Currently in therapy to help me get through the feelings about my reality but I feel like I can breathe again. Surprisingly the drinking is almost non existent. I really think it was more a matter of medicating to tolerate being with each other.
The waves of emotion are starting to calm down but I’m sure will be back again when I sign a lease for a place. Good luck to everyone else going through something similar, growing apart really does happy but it’s okay to choose yourself and not live a lie.
In total agreement with you. Especially “and not live a lie”. Hoping for much success in your recovery and new life. Peace and happiness. You deserve so much better!