I’m having a tough time and don’t really know where to turn, so thought I’d try this. My husband (together for 18 years) recently left me (4 months ago)and I just didn’t see it coming. The day he left he moved in with his boss, who he had been texting with a lot in the months prior. I’d asked him if I had anything to worry about at the time because of the amount of communication, but was told that I was crazy and that she was not interested in men. He left me and said he didn’t owe me anything so just didn’t communicate. I then started receiving anonymous emails advising me that he had been having an affair and was in a relationship with his boss. I asked him about this and he was pretty angry and defensive, eventually after the fifth email he eventually admitted the affair and the relationship. I was pretty devastated and asked for a discussion so I could understand the situation and get some closure but he was unwilling. He has since continued to message me saying he loves me and misses me but also is in a public relationship with this person. I’ve found it so hard to move on and heal. I am working with a lawyer to work on separating our stuff and come up with a plan for divorce as my husband is uncommunicative. He says he’s unresponsive because a huge part of him doesn’t want things to be final but he’s still in a relationship with someone else. His actions don’t align with his words. So I’m pushing to move the divorce forward but it’s not what I want and I’m absolutely crushed. Im really struggling but feel like I have to hide it because im sure people are tired of me being heart broken and miserable. Im just reaching out in case there are others who are going through similar circumstances and would like to connect.
Seek therapy, it will help. We can't always make sense of others actions or words but you can focus on you and come to some sort of acceptance of your situation. Don't take him back and look forward. He had no concern for you and now you have to look after you and put you first.
My husband cheated on me 15 years ago. I thought he stopped. He didn't. Deeply wish I had been strong enough to leave then. If I had any advice it would be to leave now. I regret staying. Years I can't get back. Once a cheater.....
You are so strong moving ahead and please remember it is absolutely okay to feel. Considering how long you were together, this is going to take a while to grieve. I think therapy would help so much, if that isn’t a possibility there are a lot of great podcasts from wellness coaches that can help. I love the Moms Moving on podcast and there are a few that are focused on healing from infidelity. Best wishes to you!
I think we all have to deal with the grief of losing the life and the future we thought we would have. Our marriages were not what we hoped and dreamed them to be so we are grieving a fantasy. For me it also embarrassment and beating myself up that I made such a bad choice in a husband and allowed him to take advantage of my generosity and willingness to look the other way for so long. I haven’t even told my mother, sister or adult children yet because I know they all knew it was a mistake to marry him. I’m going back into therapy because it’s a lot to process. Keep reaching out and don’t expect it to be easy in the short term, have faith it will allow you to a have a much better future of your own design.
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Lee.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time too. Don’t be afraid to share, your family may have questioned your initial decision but I’m sure they would like to be here for you to support you through challenging times. Wishing you all of the best.
I too am having a tough time while being so glad. I am most upset that my son has to deal with his parents being divorced. And I’m so relieved to be out of the situation I was in. I have an educated & healing therapist who reminds me how hard divorce is and that she is so proud of me. Thanks to all for sharing.