2 nights ago I told my husband I was filing for divorce and that I already found an apartment for him and my 2 step sons. The movers are coming Feb 4th, the boys are with him 50% of the time and can take the bus to their same school from this apartment. We live in an expensive town with very little rental options. He came into the marriage with nothing after his divorce from his first wife and will be leaving with more than he came with. I was smart enough to have a prenup but not smart enough to realize I would not be able to fix all of his problems. He is shocked and devastated and really laying on the guilt that I am ruining his and his kids lives. I have promised to help him pay the rent for the first year, I’m giving him furniture and kitchen stuff, and want to help with the boys. He has every right to be angry, sad and scared about his future and I feel guilty as hell. They had a great life for 6 years and it’s all going to change. I never should have married him in the first place but I was widowed with 3 kids and had never been alone before and I ignored all of the red flags because there were some good things.
Has anyone else had to deal with the guilt of turning their ex’s life upside down?
That is rough! Have you and him considered individual therapy? I know. How that goes though.. he has to be willing to put in work and that’s IF the distance isn’t too far gone to even consider reconciling. I think it’s healthy to feel some kind of guilt which shows you’re a kind and compassionate person but still have boundaries. I’m sorry you guys have to be around each other that long before the move, that’s got to be a very stressful living situstion. Did this come out of the blue or have you guys been struggling for a while? As far as trying to handle the guilt, journaling helps me quite a bit. Not very detailed journaling, I usually bullet point my feelings I’m having in the moment and where they are stemming from. It helps a ton. Also individual therapy weekly for me.
I am in individual therapy, he is definitely not open to that. There are some fundamental differences in our characters that I have realized are not going to change with all the therapy non the world. I thought I could “fix” him with love, support and security. I think he thought so too. I think the timing and lack of warning surprised him but Inthink we both always knew we weren’t a match.