Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
I'm my case, our issues started years ago. But we acted normal and even enjoyed each other's company as a couple and a family. Just the intimacy part was gone. We were just roommates. My kids though knew something wasn't right. Now that they are older they tell me they suspected infidelity on his part with so many business trips. They were angry at him for doing that to me but still tried to keep a good relationship with him. But they became tired of the tension between us. Things only became even more strained after we separated. They didn't like that he started dating and didn't want to meet anyone he was seeing. Our mistake was this period of limbo. For the past 5 years it has just been my youngest in the house. We tried to keep her out of our mess. Decisions though should be made because I think kids deal with things better when things are clear. This is how it is, the new normal and they will adjust. Now they say they just want us to be happy no matter what we choose to do. We are spending more time together now seeing if reconciliation is an option. But it will be a lot of hard work if we do.
If you have decided that you are done with your marriage and there is no chance to fix things then move on. Don't prolong the inevitable. Especially at the age your children are you don't need to protect them at your expense. Take care of you! They'll be ok!
Clare - your situation resonated with me. My husband recently shared with me after being together for 30 years and married for 28 years that he wants a divorce and no interest in marriage counseling or working on reconnection. I have two sons ages 21 and 22 who are finishing college. They are both at key stages before graduation and I am concerned about disruption to their lives, but know they need to be told soon. I have asked my husband to wait to tell them until we can all be together in same city same room. He would like to simply tell them “ we have decided to divorce”. If they ask me I would like them to know that their father wants to divorce , but that I don’t. I would prefer to work on our marriage, but that divorce will still happen. That either way we will both love and support them through life. . My friends tell me that this view is more about me and not about my kids. Not sure what the “right way” is to talk this through with them.. if someone has been through this with young adult children I would also like to hear their advice for Clare.