I do feel so terribly when I hear and read spouses whom have been cheated on. I feel guilt, I feel remorse and I feel disappointed in myself for doing it.
At the time, it didn’t feel like I was cheating though.
My husband has been a serious gambler all our married life.
Unbeknownst to me, He gambled $17k 2 weeks before our wedding day and blamed me for losing the money and not keeping a track of the budget.

He’d been gambling behind my back until I found out our power and water was going to get turned off, so I searched all our accounts and statements and noticed he’d been taking out big loans and using all our money to gamble.

I was 8 months pregnant when I had found out for the first time that he had a serious gambling disease.
It wasn’t just the addiction but the abuse, verbal and physical I had to deal with when he’d come home from gambling or when he couldn’t scratch the itch.
I was the outlet for the disease and I was none the wiser.

During my birth contractions the nurse advised me that our health cover didn’t cover the epidural, so we had to pay $900 somehow if I wanted the epidural.
We were discussing financials whilst my legs were up on stirrups - during the birth of my son to work out affordability around getting this epidural.

He was abusive going forward & was short patient, punched me whilst I was breast feeding my son. It was a terrible time.
He had to work two jobs to make money to not only feed us but to also pay back the huge amount of loans he took to gamble.

Somehow, he’d stopped gambling.
His family weren’t accepting of me, I wasn’t his culture, they treated me horribly, I would never defend myself as they had lost their dad a year before we got married. I was the punching bag for the loss of their dad/my father in law.

What’s worse, my husband hadn’t supported me or defended me and allowed them to disrespect me.
When we had our son, they hadn’t accepted him either. His sister who lived 5 mins away hadn’t met her nephew.
He is now 15 yrs old and she still hasn’t met our son, yet my husband accepted this behaviour and still assisted and supported his family, whom didn’t support or accept our son nor I.

I would stand up for him though when his family weren’t happy with his decisions, I started to speak up with myself and this is when they turned me into the villain.
When I fell pregnant with my second, I told my husband that he needs to now sort his priorities, defend us otherwise I would take the two boys and leave.

I warned his family that I didn’t want another stressful pregnancy and not to treat me horribly again, they didn’t like this.
He did sort therapy and decided to stop speaking to his family.
He chose to walk away from his family rather stand up for us.
I accepted his decision as this would mean that I didn’t need to deal with them anymore.

My first born is autistic & I blame the ways they treated mex his abuse and the gambling debt for the stress I encountered during my pregnancy.
After my second was born, I was forced to go back to work full time after he was 9 weeks old. I would breast express 3 times at work, I was up 4/5 times every night feeding my newborn and up by 6am to head off to work with my massive breast pump on the train to the city. He got to stay home with the boys, whilst I was sleep deprived , working full time & breast pumping & breast feeding around the clock.

The gambling returned, well I caught him gambling 8 years later. Once again, he’s back to being aggressive and abusive. Now I’m doing everything to ensure my boys aren’t exposed to seeing him behave this way.

I was embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone around me what I was going through, hoping I would be able to change the situation. I did however reach out to a friend overseas, we spoke on and off for many years, I was lean on him and tell him about my circumstances.
When my husband gambled again, took all our life savings, the children’s bank account, the equity off the family home, I had checked out, but I couldn’t leave, I had a son with special needs, I had no support from anyone & I had no money as I was working to pay this gambling debt.
So I met this person from overseas and had an affair.
It didn’t feel like cheating as I mentally & emotionally checked out.
My husband found out. He forgave me.

6 months later, I had met this man again and continued the affair. My husband found out again.
He forgave me and understood that he caused such misery to my life. However, in his forgiveness,it came at a hefty cost, as he continued to gamble over $400k. This time he wasn’t sorry or remorseful and wanted a divorce.
It had been 1 year since my affair and used that as the excuse for wanting the divorce, not for getting caught gambling for the 3rd time.

He’d been awful and what’s worse abusive infront of the boys. They are now 12 and 14, so they understood what was happening. They witnessed him literally throw me out the door where I landed on my head and slammed the door shut as my boys watched and screamed.

It has been 2 years since and to this day I still feel the guilt as he blames me for the divorce and blames me for triggering his gambling.
I am now working two jobs, raising these two boys full time as he’s moved out and probably still gambling and now he’s dating.

My boys are struggling with the person their dad has exposed himself to be.
I feel terrible that I cheated as he’s made this the reason for how I broke the family.
All the while he’d been seeing his family Behind our back while pretending to be angry at them for how they’ve dismissed and treated the boys and I.

My husband had a heart attack followed by a triple bypass surgery and upon recovery he wanted me back and wanted to start all over. I was so fearful of him that I was scared to say no. But i didn’t go back.
We are getting divorced at the end of this month. I haven’t seen him since the day he abused me.
He asked me for a divorce on Valentine’s Day 2 years ago, so he’s also ruined this day for me as well.

I am so traumatised and guilty for cheating at the same time that I don’t ever want to be in a relationship again. I can’t think of anything worse.
I am busy with working and my two jobs. I don’t have time to socialise, grocery shopping is my outing!

Thanks for reading.
You can judge all you want. Yes, I cheated, to escape my depressive reality, to feel adoration, to feel love and have a connection I had been lacking for so many years.
I had found out that the man that I had the affair and strong feelings for was seeing someone else and hadn’t told me. This broke me, again, even though I had no right, as I was married. I suffered from this heartbreak as he was my person, my best friend who walked this miserable journey with me.
So if you want to condemn me for cheating, I got my karma, both with a divorce and being cheated on from the person I cheated with.

That’s my story in a nutshell.

That’s a lot to go through. Sorry about all your troubles. Did you have to take on any of his debt after the divorce?

I was apprehensive to open your message, fearful to being judged, so I thank you for being kind.
Yes, I am working two jobs to pay off the debt he left us with.:disappointed:

Your husband abused you and he’s guilty of financial infidelity. The financial burden shouldn’t fall on your shoulders. No one should judge you as I think you’ve already done enough of that to yourself and now it’s time to take care & be kind to yourself.