I am on the fence about what to do in my marriage. Admittedly, this is not my first marriage and I feel guilty and like a failure to be considering divorce. I also have issues being on my own. But, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t deny there are serious problems. Crazy tho g is that I’m educated, mentally sound, and financially stable. The marriage is under a year. My husband has been manifesting behaviors that were not there before our marriage. A few signs were there looking back but not enough for me to doubt our love. He struggles with depression. Lately, he’s been angry at everyone and everything. I mean everything. His work, his friends, his family, traffic, you name it he’s mad at it. He calls me names, puts me down, and yells at me for things as simple as taking a different route home. I’ve also discovered that he is not as far along in his education/career as he once said. He’s been fired 2 times in three years (once for stealing). He has also has a few sexual desires that are outside of my comfort zone. He spends most of his off time playing video games. I have to beg him to help around the house and if he gets annoyed that I asked he screams at me. The other day I asked him to do the dishes (admittedly for the 3 or 4th time that day) and he ran up to me less than two inches from my face. He turned completely red, the veins in his neck began to pop out, and started screaming at me to shut the f*ck up.he had his hand in a fist cocked behind him like he wanted to hit me or something the entire time. He’s being full discharged from the military and I think that may have something to do with his mood. I do not want another failed relationship but I am worried that no amount of therapy can fix this. I mentioned a separation and he refuses to leave. The home we live in is mine and I’ve owned it for 17 years before we met. I mentioned divorce and he told me that if I divorced him he would make me pay him. Truthfully, I make more money and have more assets, but we’ve been married under a year. I feel like I’m rambling. Venting really. I don’t know whether therapy is a good idea or if I should call it quits.
My advice. See a therapist for yourself. If anyone ever even attempted to show physical abuse towards me i would have walked immediately. But i stayed in an emotionally/psyc/mentally abusive and
Coercive marriage for 20+ yrs. But i can tell you right now that threats like that can lead to more serious things. See a therapist. And a lawyer. Make a safety plan too. Just my thoughts
We have a very similar situation. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. During this time, I suffered a lot of emotional abuse from my husband, as well as an incident when he pointed a knife at me. He’s an alcoholic and when he’s drunk, that’s when he gets his rage and calls me names and says horrible things about me, like screwing up his life. He gets triggered with everything too. Temper is thru the roof. He'd rather drink or play video games than sleep with me. While I tried to wait until my youngest turns 18 and there is still hope that maybe he'll change but this isn't possible. Dealing with him has exhausted me. I make more than him and I shoulder all the expenses. I recently discovered he is hiding money from me. I manage our finances but he only gives me $1300 a month. We file taxes separately but found his W2 and tried to figure out the numbers, and there is no way he could only afford to give me that much. If my calculations were right he is at least keeping 2K/month from me. I worked 2 jobs for a decade just to make ends meet and I discover this. He claims he is disabled and threatens me that if I file for divorce, he will fight it, ask for child and spousal support. Every penny I make I spend for my family. I don't have anything saved. What are my options?