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Hubby cheated, made a baby, child is 11 now wants her to live with us

I am so so confused right now. My hubby of 25 yrs had an affair and a child with his then side piece. I found out when the little girl was around 2 yrs old. I was distraught made him leave briefly then we talked went to couples therapy and we got back together. He started bringing her around when she was about 7 yrs old which caused havoc in our home because now you have to explain to our 4 children that you cheated and they have another sibling they didn’t know about. Our children were very hurt by this especially our oldest & our youngest. I knew he liked younger women he’s 14 yrs older than me but his child mom is not to much older than our oldest child who is 26 and she has since had two more children by 2 other men. Current problem we just haven’t been getting along he seems to find the smallest of things to get upset about to add insult to injury the child’s mom is now under investigation by cps and he wants to have his child come live with us.

I just can’t do it the idea of having to help him raise her makes me nauseous. I know it’s not the child’s fault in any way form or fashion but I just can’t. It was hard enough when she was just coming on the weekends the vibe would be so tense every time she comes but now he wants her to live with us. I’ve prayed to not have a hard heart against this child but just knowing how she got here & having to see her on a daily it’s asking way to much.

Our children are almost all adults the last one just turned 17 recently. So I’m basically done with having to do the tedious tasks of having small children and now you want me to start over with an 11 year old. No No I’ve looked forward to this time of my life when my children was older and I didn’t have to mother them so much. His parenting skills are questionable most of the time I felt like a married single mother.

Point blank I don’t want to raise anybody’s baby or young child especially one my husband created through infidelity. I’m angry sometimes depressed and seriously considering divorce due to this.

What do you all think any suggestions?

Re: Hubby cheated, made a baby, child is 11 now wants her to live with us

Does she have grandparents or any other relatives she can stay with? Remember that he broke his vow to you. You have every right to get a divorce because of this.

Re: Hubby cheated, made a baby, child is 11 now wants her to live with us

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

First question, do you want a divorce? Would you be happier living on your own without him?

Would you want a separation and have him move out into his own place where he would be free to raise his child?

If you choose to stay married to him, then that is a deliberate choice. If you stay married, then I would think he could bring his child into his home. Sucks I know.

If you choose to stay with him, then before he brings the child into the home I would insist on ground rules. Maybe go back to your counselor and work together on expectations.
He is to take primary responsibility for the child, he is not to take his anger out on you, etc.

Lay out ground rules and expectations and STICK TO THEM!
Hold your ground whatever you decide and stay strong.

If you choose to help with this child, then you could be her greatest blessing. It sounds like she has two questionable parents.

Good luck!

Re: Hubby cheated, made a baby, child is 11 now wants her to live with us

I can’t tell you what to do, but I almost guarantee that he will act the way he has acted towards his own children, and you may end up with the lion’s share of the work.

It is a shame for the child, but best she not feel your resentment… I would think about perhaps living without ur husband. He sounds like a selfish nightmare. That poor child. I wish the best for you and for her.