Womans Divorce Forum

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Re: Guilt regret

Hi Ruby,

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

I wanted to share because I was on the other side of that situation. My ex-husband had significant anger, emotional, trust issues that caused him to lose control, lash out at me, verbally abuse, etc. All stemming from some childhood issues growing up with a physical disability/teasing/insecurity etc.

I tried everything to get him to go for help and address his issues that were destroying our marriage. He refused.

So I eventually filed for divorce. He now says that that opened his eyes and he finally saw how he had destroyed our relationship. He has since gone for therapy, is on appropriate medication, asked for forgiveness, is working hard to make it up to me, etc.

While we will never get remarried (he would, but a "no" from me) we are great friends. Spend time together every week, can have dinners and time together with our children, etc. He is still my best friend.

There is hope for you to build a positive relationship with your ex-. But you will have to put some work into it, just feeling guilty isn't enough.

Good luck!

Re: Guilt regret

I just want to caution you about putting all of the blame on yourself. There were two people in your marriage. In your self-reflection try not to glamorize your husband’s actions, rather try to remember his role too. Be kind to yourself okay? Water seeks its own level. Work on yourself separately and not in comparison to who your ex is. Sometimes when spouses know each other’s triggers they can exploit them and I think you know deep down whether he might have done some of that.

Re: Guilt regret

I feel the same way. How are you dealing with this?