Thank you so much. I have a lot of guilt. I feel like my life is pretty good. I love my job. Enjoy my hobbies. He doesn't have any of that. Think it will hurt moving apart when it finally happens. Painful. However, I can see myself happy. Feel guilty about that too! Ugh. I have been waiting for the man I married to return for about 15 years. Crazy how I didn't leave sooner. He's been unfaithful many years. About 7 months ago found out it was still continuiing. I filed. I'm a bit stronger now. Was not in the past. Instead of staying mad, which would probably be better, I am dealing with a very very depressed person with horrible anxiety. It is bringing me down. Just want to laugh and be happy. Very unhealthy here. How nice to find this forum. Thank you.

I understand. I am always thinking of his feelings and trying not to hurt him. Meanwhile, he hurts my feelings at the drop of a dime and shows no remorse. This attachment that we have we people like this is called a trauma bond. Listen to podcasts and read about it. I’m still learning about all of this, but now I see it. Knowledge is power and will help you get away from this. You have a right to be happy.

Thank you. I will give that a listen. Honestly it is so difficult to work on myself when the focus is all him and his problems. It is exhausting. Now that the weather is better I am enjoying my wonderful hobbies and about to start my busy season at my job which I love. Both of these things will take me out of this apartment and away from him. I really just want some peace. And laughs. Have a hearing before the judge on the 17th. Am sure that will bring more pain and hurt. For both of us. I keep thinking...just get the divorce. Follow through. Hoping once that's over that moving on will be easier. Hope that's the case. Sometimes I think I am stuck here til he gets better. Healthier. For now I don't see that happening. Guilt sucks. And you are correct. He had/has no problem hurting me. No problem LEAVING me. Twice. Yet here I am. It's sick.